Trigger Warning for discussion of rape culture and mention of rape.
NB: I’m not trying to make judgements on anyone’s relationship nor the asexual community as a whole. This is just me airing my views.
(some of this is lifted from a post I made on AVEN, don’t worry, I did not steal it)
I didn’t want to reblog this, but I thought pianycist’s response to a royal screw up I made was good. It’s reposted below:
How about RESPECTING BOUNDARIES and BEING CONSCIENTIOUS OF PARTNERS’ BOUNDARIES?
“The Asexual partner should not expect the sexual partner to give up intercourse”.
The sexual partner should not expect any potential partner to provide them with sex. Period. Having that expectation is rape culture. And demisexuality needs to be brought up, because demis can have relationships with Aces and with sexual people—and the same need for everyone to be conscientious of boundaries applies.
I don’t ever expect to cuddle with my cuddlesquish, despite that I want to. I don’t even have the expectation that I will get to hold hands with people whose hands I want to hold. Physical contact is something I will talk about as something I like and I will ask before doing anything. And I will not expect the other person to pull me aside and tell me “By the way, I’m not interested in [x]” or “[x] makes me uncomfortable”. I will always ask if some form of physical contact is okay first before doing it, and if the answer is “no” or “not now” or “not ever”, I deal with it and won’t ask again.
Despite that I’m an extremely sensual person, no one owes me hugs, cuddles, kisses or anything. If they were things that could be owed, it would cheapen their value. The same goes for sex for people who enjoy it. I say this as a (gray Asexual) person who has transgressed a (sexual) person’s boundaries in the past and wants never to transgress anyone’s boundaries again.
If someone gives me kisses or cuddles, I want it to be because they want to do so. Not because I laid down the requirement for them to do so if they want to remain in an interpersonal relationship with me.