This blog was created for the purposes of educating, helping & supporting other asexual spectrum people and questioning asexual spectrum people.
This blog is also body positive, sex positive & LGBT positive.
We do not advocate or tolerate: slut shaming, virgin shaming, body shaming, asexual elitism, homophobia, slurs that intend to hurt or offend.
Apparently sapioromanticism is a thing, just not as commonly mentioned as the romantic/aromantic spectrum.
Well, yay. That’s a lot easier to explain to other people than ‘I’m an aromantic, except if I like your brain.’, or ‘I’m sapiosexual without the sex part. Mostly.’ Which is still not to say that I’ve really explained this to anyone yet…
One day though… One day.
(Source: angelaenvy, via asexualityexists)
@1 year ago with 18 notes@1 year ago with 48 notes[image description: Anonymous question: So, I just read your post about asexual vs aromantic, and I’m just very confused about the whole concept. I know you think people are hot (hello, Loki, duh), and I just don’t want to be ignorant anymore! Sorry, I guess I just don’t know how to word this question exactly. I want to knoooow thingsssssss? end description]
EDIT: This is now a rebloggable post
Oh my god Anon I love you
I understand perfectly that this is confusing, and thanks for taking the time and interest to learn more about it. Forgive me if I go over anything that seems like “duh, common sense,” but I try to cover all my bases when going into something like this.
ALSO please forgive me if you are non-binary and you feel like my explanation is erasing your identity. I DON’T MEAN TO DO THIS AT ALL but at the moment I’m not fully equipped with the correct words to explain sexual/romantic orientations and be certain I am fully inclusive of you. PLEASE MESSAGE ME with suggestions for more inclusive language. Thanks!
Now first off, there’s a difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. For many people, these align: Someone is sexually attracted to males and also has romantic feelings towards males. Or only to females. Or to both. Or to non-binary people. Etc.
But for many others, these do not align, or they do not align perfectly. Some people are sexually attracted to more than one sex, but they find they only tend to fall “in love” with members of a specific sex. Someone might be bisexual but finds that they only ever have a romantic connection with women. Or someone might be panromantic and fall in love with all sorts of people, but they only find men to be sexually attractive.
So let’s toss into the mix asexuality and aromanticism (is… that the right word? god, I’m so fucking tired, I have no clue). Asexuality is quite simply the lack of sexual attraction.
Asexuality is NOT:
- an indication of romantic orientation
- an indication of sex drive
- an indication of sexual activity
- celibacy
- a choice
Just like straight, hetero-normative people have different levels of sex drives, some choose to have sex, some choose not to have sex, some enjoy sex, and some do not enjoy sex, the same goes for asexuals. A straight person CAN have sex with a person of the same gender and still be straight (how many times to people have to tell me about their past “experiments” for me to know that’s true?).
So people who are asexual can also:
- have sex
- not have sex
- have a sex drive
- not have a sex drive
- like sex
- not like sex
- be romantically attracted to people
- not be romantically attracted to people
Okay, next up is aromanticism. Being aromantic is—you guessed it! Not feeling a romantic attraction to others.
Aromanticism is NOT:
- an indication of sexuality or sexual preference
- an indication of sex drive
- an indication of sexual activity
- celibacy
- a choice
People who are aromantic just don’t get those romantic relationship, lovey-dovey feelings. That isn’t to say they don’t have extremely deep and loving relationships! But for them, romantic attraction isn’t there.
Aromantic people can also:
- have sex
- not have sex
- have a sex drive
- not have a sex drive
- enjoy sex
- not enjoy sex
- be sexually attracted to people
- not be sexually attracted to people
There ARE some people out there who are both asexual and aromantic. I am not one of those people, but I am good friends with several aromantic asexuals. They have deep, long-lasting friendships that for them are as fulfilling as a romantic relationship is for those who seek one.
As for me finding things/people “hot:” I don’t. Well, not in a sexual way. I jokingly refer to these attractions as “asexual frustration” because I find certain people EXTREMELY aesthetically attractive, and intellectually attractive, and emotionally attractive (and occasionally romantically attractive but I try to steer clear of that as often as possible), but sexually attractive? Nope.
But if I am to say, “GOD DAMN, LOKI IS SUCH A FUCKING AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER AND IS ONLY COMPLEMENTED BY TOM HIDDLESTON’S GORGEOUS SELF AND GLORIOUSLY INTUITIVE ACTING STYLE TO SUCH A DEGREE THAT I WANT TO CRY AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH HIM AND MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS”
…
well…
that doesn’t get the point across quite as efficiently as “holy fuck how does he be so fucking hot I can’t”
The thing about asexuals is that we are forced to learn the “sexual language” because it is omnipresent in everything. Go back and watch cartoons you enjoyed as a child; as an adult, you will be laughing at sexual things you didn’t notice before. We need to be able to know why it’s funny and identify it when it happens and also share it with others: because talking about the reality of sexuality is a sort of bonding experience between humans.
There are tonnes of stories (my own included) of asexual people pretending to be sexual to fit in. As a teenager, I pretend to have a crush on Orlando Bloom (shush) because ALL my friends talked about “hot” celebrities and .. and .. I needed to be able to add something to the conversation to be able to relate to them.
But yes, as for me, I am a something-romantic asexual with no sex drive. Whenever I use the sexual language, I don’t use it literally. Am I turned on by Loki? Notttt sexually. Ever. Would I want to have sex with someone who looked like Tom Hiddleston’s Loki? No. Well, I mean… maybe if we’d been dating for a year and were engaged and he were sexual and it were important to him we would work out a compromise. But would I ever be the person to choose to pursue sex? Nooooooooo.
For more information, feel free to visit my asexuality tag here or by clicking on the image of the anonymous question.
Anyway
Uh
Yep
?
SORRY I’M BAD AT ENDING POSTS
Apparently sapioromanticism is a thing, just not as commonly mentioned as the romantic/aromantic spectrum.
Well, yay. That’s a lot easier to explain to other people than ‘I’m an aromantic, except if I like your brain.’, or ‘I’m sapiosexual without the sex part. Mostly.’ Which is still not to say that I’ve really explained this to anyone yet…
One day though… One day.
(Source: angelaenvy, via asexualityexists)
[image description: Anonymous question: So, I just read your post about asexual vs aromantic, and I’m just very confused about the whole concept. I know you think people are hot (hello, Loki, duh), and I just don’t want to be ignorant anymore! Sorry, I guess I just don’t know how to word this question exactly. I want to knoooow thingsssssss? end description]
EDIT: This is now a rebloggable post
Oh my god Anon I love you
I understand perfectly that this is confusing, and thanks for taking the time and interest to learn more about it. Forgive me if I go over anything that seems like “duh, common sense,” but I try to cover all my bases when going into something like this.
ALSO please forgive me if you are non-binary and you feel like my explanation is erasing your identity. I DON’T MEAN TO DO THIS AT ALL but at the moment I’m not fully equipped with the correct words to explain sexual/romantic orientations and be certain I am fully inclusive of you. PLEASE MESSAGE ME with suggestions for more inclusive language. Thanks!
Now first off, there’s a difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. For many people, these align: Someone is sexually attracted to males and also has romantic feelings towards males. Or only to females. Or to both. Or to non-binary people. Etc.
But for many others, these do not align, or they do not align perfectly. Some people are sexually attracted to more than one sex, but they find they only tend to fall “in love” with members of a specific sex. Someone might be bisexual but finds that they only ever have a romantic connection with women. Or someone might be panromantic and fall in love with all sorts of people, but they only find men to be sexually attractive.
So let’s toss into the mix asexuality and aromanticism (is… that the right word? god, I’m so fucking tired, I have no clue). Asexuality is quite simply the lack of sexual attraction.
Asexuality is NOT:
- an indication of romantic orientation
- an indication of sex drive
- an indication of sexual activity
- celibacy
- a choice
Just like straight, hetero-normative people have different levels of sex drives, some choose to have sex, some choose not to have sex, some enjoy sex, and some do not enjoy sex, the same goes for asexuals. A straight person CAN have sex with a person of the same gender and still be straight (how many times to people have to tell me about their past “experiments” for me to know that’s true?).
So people who are asexual can also:
- have sex
- not have sex
- have a sex drive
- not have a sex drive
- like sex
- not like sex
- be romantically attracted to people
- not be romantically attracted to people
Okay, next up is aromanticism. Being aromantic is—you guessed it! Not feeling a romantic attraction to others.
Aromanticism is NOT:
- an indication of sexuality or sexual preference
- an indication of sex drive
- an indication of sexual activity
- celibacy
- a choice
People who are aromantic just don’t get those romantic relationship, lovey-dovey feelings. That isn’t to say they don’t have extremely deep and loving relationships! But for them, romantic attraction isn’t there.
Aromantic people can also:
- have sex
- not have sex
- have a sex drive
- not have a sex drive
- enjoy sex
- not enjoy sex
- be sexually attracted to people
- not be sexually attracted to people
There ARE some people out there who are both asexual and aromantic. I am not one of those people, but I am good friends with several aromantic asexuals. They have deep, long-lasting friendships that for them are as fulfilling as a romantic relationship is for those who seek one.
As for me finding things/people “hot:” I don’t. Well, not in a sexual way. I jokingly refer to these attractions as “asexual frustration” because I find certain people EXTREMELY aesthetically attractive, and intellectually attractive, and emotionally attractive (and occasionally romantically attractive but I try to steer clear of that as often as possible), but sexually attractive? Nope.
But if I am to say, “GOD DAMN, LOKI IS SUCH A FUCKING AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER AND IS ONLY COMPLEMENTED BY TOM HIDDLESTON’S GORGEOUS SELF AND GLORIOUSLY INTUITIVE ACTING STYLE TO SUCH A DEGREE THAT I WANT TO CRY AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH HIM AND MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS”
…
well…
that doesn’t get the point across quite as efficiently as “holy fuck how does he be so fucking hot I can’t”
The thing about asexuals is that we are forced to learn the “sexual language” because it is omnipresent in everything. Go back and watch cartoons you enjoyed as a child; as an adult, you will be laughing at sexual things you didn’t notice before. We need to be able to know why it’s funny and identify it when it happens and also share it with others: because talking about the reality of sexuality is a sort of bonding experience between humans.
There are tonnes of stories (my own included) of asexual people pretending to be sexual to fit in. As a teenager, I pretend to have a crush on Orlando Bloom (shush) because ALL my friends talked about “hot” celebrities and .. and .. I needed to be able to add something to the conversation to be able to relate to them.
But yes, as for me, I am a something-romantic asexual with no sex drive. Whenever I use the sexual language, I don’t use it literally. Am I turned on by Loki? Notttt sexually. Ever. Would I want to have sex with someone who looked like Tom Hiddleston’s Loki? No. Well, I mean… maybe if we’d been dating for a year and were engaged and he were sexual and it were important to him we would work out a compromise. But would I ever be the person to choose to pursue sex? Nooooooooo.
For more information, feel free to visit my asexuality tag here or by clicking on the image of the anonymous question.
Anyway
Uh
Yep
?
SORRY I’M BAD AT ENDING POSTS
