"Those who cannot conceive of Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend."

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (via asexualquotes)
@5 months ago with 460 notes
#relationships #aromanticism #platonic 

I wish it were just as possible in reality as it is in my stories for sexual people to love asexual people without even sexually desiring them and still want to be with them forever. Also, I wish committed, primary platonic partnerships happened in real life. (For all kinds of people, not just asexuals.)

I love the idea of having a committed primary platonic partnership in the future. Chances are slim though :(

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

@2 years ago with 21 notes
#relationships #asexual #asexuality #love #platonic partnerships #things that make me sad 

Dear World and Fandom: Not all love is sexual. Not all love is romantic. Not all life partnerships are romantic. You can be someone’s committed life partner even if neither one of you wants to fuck the other. You can be in love without sex. You can want to spend your life with someone you have no romantic or sexual attraction toward. You can want physical affection with someone for nonsexual or nonromantic reasons.

outlawroad:

That is all.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

@2 years ago with 232 notes
#fandom #love #relationships #romance #sexuality #asexuality #aromantic 

"Asexuals are not interested in sex at all, even though many are in happy relationships, marriages, and committed partnerships. Relationships between asexuals have a number of advantages, including a vastly reduced likelihood of having to spend many years corralling a herd of screaming brats through McDonald’s drive-thrus and Wal-Mart."

Uncyclopedia on Asexuals.

(Source: asexual-walks-of-life)

@2 years ago with 24 notes
#asexual #relationships #lol 

To Sexual People who Think Being Asexual is the Solution to Relationship Angst:

outlawroad:

(I’m posting this separately; it’s from a reblog I commented on.)

Being asexual isn’t the equivalent of being aromantic or celibate. Sure, some asexuals are also aromantic and some asexuals are celibate. But not all of us. I, for one, am romantic and celibate. Which means that if I were willing to put myself out there to form romantic relationships with sexual people (which I’m not), I’d have to constantly put up with The Sex Issue. Because I will never agree to do anything sexual of any kind. And let’s face it, most sexual people in the world expect sex in a monogamous romantic relationship. I don’t fault them for it, but obviously, I’m not compatible with any of those people, enough to warrant becoming emotionally/romantically entangled.

I want an asexual man for a romantic life partner. Which narrows my choices down to the 1 percent of humanity that’s asexual, then further narrows it to the percentage of asexuals who are male, then further narrows it to the percentage of asexuals males who are heteromantic, and of that pool—which is scattered all over the place—one of them’s gotta be a match to ME, the person, not just me the asexual.

Oh, yeah, and asexuals don’t exactly go around wearing t-shirts every day identifying themselves as asexual. So I have no way of knowing who is and who isn’t, in real life, unless I meet somebody formally and end up having a conversation about sexual orientation. I live my life assuming everybody around me is sexual until proven otherwise, so as far as finding a romantic match, it’s not like I look at all males as possibilities from which to make a selection. Because most of them are automatically disqualified for being sexual. And without resorting to the internet, I’m left to meet asexual men by chance—and not just meet them but actually discover they’re asexual. Some of them may not know they are, some of them may want to keep it a secret, and like I said before, not all asexual males are looking to be romantically involved with a female-bodied person or at all.

Fortunately, I’ve reached a place in my life where I’ve stopped caring if I’m romantically unattached for the rest of my life, but there was a time where I was making myself sick with depression. Despair I can’t describe to you. Totally suicidal. Mostly because I realized that being asexual in this sex-obsessed culture means, among other shit, getting left in the dust of your sexual friends’ wedding parades, in addition to the whole Romantic Relationship situation I’ve just described, and at 18 years old (I’m 21 now), the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, unloved, without physical affection, and without anyone who understands me, chooses to stay with me, etc…. Well, it didn’t look really fuckin appealing, frankly.

During those misery times, I often thought: “You know, if only I were sexual just like everybody else, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. I’d at least have a pretty good shot. I could date like everybody else and probably get married and blah blah blah.”

Granted, now, as a self-loving and self-confident person in touch with who I really am, I would never in a million fuckin years want to be like everybody else, am anti-marriage, think conventional dating’s stupid, etc.

But my point is, being asexual is not some magical antidote to relationship angst. In fact, it’s a pretty valid reason FOR relationship angst. (Not that I’m recommending it to my fellow aces, by the way.)

Even aromantic people often want some kind of life partner, though not romantic. Imagine what it must feel like to be in THAT position, in this society.

Pretty much, the only way to be forever free of relationship-related angst is to be something akin to a sociopath. Which might be fun, but it’s not something any of us can choose.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

@2 years ago with 42 notes
#asexuality #asexuals #love #relationships #romance #aromantic 

"We mistake sex for romance. Guys are taught that pushing a girl up against a wall is romance. Sex is easy; you can do it with anyone, yourself, with batteries. Romance is when someone you like walks into a room and they take your breath away. Romance is when two people are dancing and they fit together perfectly. Romance is when two people are walking next to each other and all of a sudden they find themselves holding hands, and they don’t know how that happened."

John C. Moffi (via implicities)

(via bemusedlybespectacled)

@2 years ago with 3197 notes
#quote #romance #love #sex #relationships 
asexualadvice:

You guys, I SWEAR. Even outside of our community, this is realtalk.
-Bridget

asexualadvice:

You guys, I SWEAR. Even outside of our community, this is realtalk.

-Bridget

(Source: brotips)

@2 years ago with 8205 notes
#brotips #1107 #do you #dtf #dtc #pressure #sex #fuck #cuddle #down to fuck #down to cuddle #dating #relationships #peer pressure #society #jersey shore #chill #cuddling 

A PSA About Asexuality and Aromanticism

outlawroad:

Dear World,

Please take note of the following facts about asexual and aromantic people.

——

Asexuality is an orientation based on the lack of sexual attraction to other humans beings.

This means asexual people never look at other human beings and experience an arousal response or a desire to have sex with them.

That is all it means.

Some asexual people still have a sex drive and some don’t.

Some asexual people masturbate and some don’t.

What do we think of when we masturbate? Usually nothing. A lot of us use pornographic material to become physically aroused when we feel the urge to masturbate.

Why would we masturbate when we’re asexual? Because being asexual means we don’t experience sexual attraction, not that we have no sex drive. Those of us who have a sex drive lack any connection of that drive to attraction. But we still gotta take care of our physical need for sexual release.

Asexual men exist.

Asexual people have romantic orientations. We can be hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, or aromantic. This means some of us can feel romantic feelings, just like sexual people, but some of us are aromantic and don’t feel romantic feelings for anyone.

Romantic asexuals want romantic relationships. They feel romantic love. They want companionship. They just don’t want the sex.

Aromantic people—whether sexual or asexual—still have emotions and a desire to connect to others. They value relationships. They want and need and enjoy friendship and family. Many of them want to have a life partner or partners. They just don’t feel romantic love or attraction. Romantic love is not the only form of love that exists. Therefore, aromantic people still love. 

Some sexual people are aromantic too.

Being aromantic doesn’t make you a sociopath, anti-social, heartless, misanthropic, or cool with being forever alone.

Being aromantic does not solve all your problems.

Being asexual does not solve all your problems.

Some asexual people have sex. Some don’t.

Some asexual people feel neutral about participating in sex. Some feel repulsed by the idea.

Asexual people who have sex make that choice for any number of reasons: they’re curious, they’re romantically involved with someone sexual, or maybe they like it.

Asexual people can like sex for what it is: a physically pleasurable activity. Our bodies are usually fully functional. We can get aroused in the right circumstances. We can orgasm. What we lack is the attraction to people, which motivates you to actively seek out sexual partners.

Asexuality is not celibacy or abstinence. If you choose not to have sex because of religious reasons, personal reasons, health reasons, or whatever, but you still experience sexual attraction to others, you are celibate. You cannot choose to be asexual. Asexuality is an orientation. You are or you aren’t.

Being asexual is not the equivalent of never dating anyone.

Many asexuals and aromantics like nongenital physical affection. We like hugs, we like cuddles, we like holding hands, we like back rubs, we like kisses to varying degrees, etc.

Some don’t.

Just in case you’ve already forgotten: asexual men exist.

Some asexuals are polyamorous. Some are monogamous. Some don’t give a shit and just do their relationships however the hell they want.

Some asexuals are willing to date sexual people and let their sexual partners have sex outside the relationship. Some asexuals are not okay with this. If you want to know about a particular asexual’s feelings on the matter, ask.

Some asexuals like snogging. Some really, really don’t. Yes, there are romantic asexuals who don’t like kissing with tongue; they’re still romantic. If you want to know about a particular asexual’s feelings on this matter, ask.

Some asexuals have a history of sexual abuse. They can still be legitimately asexual.

Some asexuals struggle with mental illness, physical disability, mental disability, or disease. They can still be legitimately asexual.

And even if someone identifying as asexual is only circumstantially asexual based on one of the aforementioned conditions, they still have the right to use the identity if it suits them, as long as it suits them. It is not your business WHY they are what they are or why they’re using this particular identity.

Some people in the asexual community are demisexual. This means they experience only secondary sexual attraction, as a result of romantic or emotional connection with a particular individual or individuals. They never feel sexual desire for strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t know well/aren’t comfortable around/etc. This is the way they are and have always been and always will be.

Some people in the asexual community are grey-asexuals. They’re somewhere in between totally asexual and totally sexual.

For the most part, the asexual community does not care about other people’s sex lives. As long as we aren’t involved, your sex life doesn’t matter to us.

Asexuals can still find people aesthetically attractive. Just because we find someone pleasing to our eye does not mean we want that person touching our genitals. Just because we don’t want anyone touching our gentitals does not mean we’re blind.

You cannot cure us with sex. It doesn’t matter how good you are at sex. It doesn’t matter how good you are as a person. It doesn’t matter how much you love us. It doesn’t matter how much we love you. It doesn’t matter if we enjoy sex. It doesn’t matter if we orgasm when we have sex. It doesn’t matter if we consent to it. We are asexual. We do not experience sexual attraction to anybody, and there is nothing you can do about it. Period.

Asexuality is not about the sexual act. It is about sexual attraction.

You cannot cure aromantic people by attempting to romance them or trying to  persuade them that romance is the pinnacle of human experience. First of all, it’s not. Second of all, aromantic people were born the way they are. You can’t choose to be aromantic. Aromantic people can’t choose to feel romantic attraction. It is what it is.

Mixed orientation sexuals exist. These are people whose romantic and sexual orientations differ from each other. There is nothing wrong or weird about this. All it means is you have an extra complexity in your romantic/sexual/emotional life.

Those of us who are asexual or aromantic are not looking to be fixed. We aren’t broken. We’re different. We don’t need your pity. We don’t need you to show us the light. We need you to respect us or get the fuck out.

And one more time: asexual men exist.

———

Thanks for your attention.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

@2 years ago with 5241 notes
#asexuality #sexuality #sex #love #romance #aromantic #asexual #visibility #education #relationships #demisexuality #gray-a #mixed orientation sexuals #lgbtq 

The Marriage Rights Argument

outlawroad:

aceadmiral:

So, a lot of the time when people make lists of stuff that happens to LGBT+ people what doesn’t happen to asexual people, marriage will get tacked on as a right that asexuals are not denied (specifically for being asexual, anyway). And it is true that there is no law that says “asexuals can’t get married because they’re asexual” anywhere in the world that I know of. But that kind of misses the point and the reality of asexual lives. Let me tell you a little about what I mean.

Last year I lived with a very close friend. We spent all our time together. We depended on each other emotionally, financially, etc. We slept in the same bed when we went on trips, and even took showers together sometimes.

And then we were moving back to the US and we wanted to ship our household goods together, and as I was filling out the paperwork in her name, I realized I couldn’t legally exist to customs. And that’s when it really sunk in.

The apartment was in my name, because only one of us could sign for it. The utilities were all in my name because only one of us could sign for it. We constantly had to pay each other back for things because our bank accounts were separate.

It was incredibly difficult to get people to remember that I had commitments to her, that I wasn’t a free agent that could come and go as she pleased, answerable to no-one. Since roommates are not a common social phenomenon there, it was difficult to even explain why I was living with someone else, to say nothing of why so much of my time and resources were committed to her.

But it didn’t bother me until I looked at the customs forms and I thought, “Wow, this thing that means so much to me means nothing to anyone else.”

There was no talk of us coming back and continuing to live together. Why would we? We weren’t married. We weren’t even dating. That’s not what people do.

No, there is no law stopping me from getting married. There is no particular social pressure telling me I shouldn’t get married. But marriage is not the end goal for a lot of asexuals. The kinds of relationships that asexuals (broadly speaking) want and have are neither highly socially valued nor legally recognized. They don’t really even have a good word to describe them.

Thank you for our marriage rights for our members who want to marry the “opposite” sex. Some asexuals do use them, and I’m grateful that they can if they so choose. We do have it a whole lot better in this regard than the LGBT+ people who want to get married and may not, and this is not meant to be a “boo hoo asexuals have it so hard” post. But for me and a lot of other asexuals, those rights are about as useful as an umbrella in a hurricane. It’s not something that really resonates.

[EDIT: I tried to be clear, but thinking about it again, I’m not sure, so to preempt any comments about “this is the same as gay people, you whiner,” this is not meant to be a compare-and-contrast. I am aware that this experience is very similar to LGBT+ people’s who can’t marry. This situation was not precipitated on the fact that we *couldn’t* marry, it was precipitated on the fact that we wouldn’t have even if we could have. This is not meant to show that our lives were hard (because they weren’t), it was meant to describe that the paradigm is different. That’s all.]

And you know what MY point is?

Fuck marriage privilege. Fuck it with a chainsaw bomb.

Why the FUCK do married people even HAVE special fucking rights and benefits courtesy of the government and private businesses AT ALL? That’s fucking Bullshit. I don’t give a fuck who I spend my life with and what their gender is, I’m never getting married, and why the FUCK should I have to enter into a fucking legally binding agreement just so that Uncle Sam will go: “Oh! You were such a good little girl! Here’s your reward.” Fuck that bullshit. Fuck unmarried people being treated like second class citizens just because their fucking personal lifestyle choice doesn’t match the fuck up with what a bunch of pricks in power think is the best way to live.

This is why I never understood the gay marriage issue. Gay marriage becomes nationally legalized, that doesn’t fucking solve ANYTHING for all the people who still don’t want to fucking get married—no matter what their orientation—and who have every right to make that choice and still have the exact same fucking respect and rights and options as married people. But hey, if gay people can get married and straight people can get married and it all looks equal on the outside, then fuck everybody who DOESN’T want to get married because it’s our choice not to, so we can just go fuck ourselves, right? Married people are SO motherfucking special, they DESERVE exclusive privileges from everywhere.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been living with someone, it doesn’t matter how stable the relationship(s) is/are, it doesn’t matter how much we support each other, it doesn’t matter if we’re male and female or two males or two females, it doesn’t matter if we’re happy together or if we’re all each other has, because as long as we don’t sign the God damn piece of paper, the motherfucking government doesn’t give a shit who we are or what we have.

And what the fuck do polyamorous people do, huh? Oh, well, no one gives a shit about them because they’re all cheating weirdos anyway.

And what if you’re a person who just likes keeping all your shit separate no matter who is in your life? What if you like being single?  Fuck you especially; you deserve to pay higher fees and taxes for everything and die alone in a hospital and work longer hours because we don’t like your rejection of our Super Special Institution.

Fuck marriage privilege. I don’t give a fuck if they legalize marrying animals. Unmarried people should not be second class citizens in their own fucking country based on a personal choice that is nobody else’s fucking business.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

@2 years ago with 31 notes
#asexuality #marriage #relationships #rights #bullshit 

Genuine question about asexual relationships.

thewalkingparadox:

My understanding of asexuality is that they don’t have sexual attractions and don’t enjoy sex. (Although apparently some can experience sexual attractions? If so I’m not talking about them).

If you’re in a asexual relationship, I am going to assume that you aren’t intimate with your partner and just enjoy the company and the emotional bond. My question is, how do you establish rules of cheating? What constitutes as cheating on your partner if there’s no intimacy? You can enjoy an emotional bond with anyone, you can have feelings towards any number of people. In most relationships the manifestation of these feelings into a physical act i.e. a kiss or intercourse, is what is typically considered cheating. So how does it work in asexual relationships?

An asexual is somebody who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to anybody, however there are asexual people who still do have sex (if they’re with a partner who is sexual). It’s entirely possible for an asexual to enjoy sex, there’s nothing wrong physically with our body’s. It’s simply the lack of sexual attraction. However asexuals are still capable of romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction.

I suppose what would be considered cheating would be up to the individual. Many people who’re not asexual would consider kissing another person intimately as a form of cheating, or flirting as a form of cheating. Where as others might not have a problem with their partner kissing another person, but would feel having sex with another person as a act of cheating.

It would be entirely up to the individual. Sorry if my explanation leaves you confused I’m sure one of my followers might have a better answer for you though :)

(Source: asongofopposites)

@2 years ago with 25 notes
#asexual #asexuals #asexuality #relationships 
"Those who cannot conceive of Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend."
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (via asexualquotes)
5 months ago
#relationships #aromanticism #platonic 
"We mistake sex for romance. Guys are taught that pushing a girl up against a wall is romance. Sex is easy; you can do it with anyone, yourself, with batteries. Romance is when someone you like walks into a room and they take your breath away. Romance is when two people are dancing and they fit together perfectly. Romance is when two people are walking next to each other and all of a sudden they find themselves holding hands, and they don’t know how that happened."
John C. Moffi (via implicities)

(via bemusedlybespectacled)

2 years ago
#quote #romance #love #sex #relationships 
I wish it were just as possible in reality as it is in my stories for sexual people to love asexual people without even sexually desiring them and still want to be with them forever. Also, I wish committed, primary platonic partnerships happened in real life. (For all kinds of people, not just asexuals.)

I love the idea of having a committed primary platonic partnership in the future. Chances are slim though :(

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

2 years ago
#relationships #asexual #asexuality #love #platonic partnerships #things that make me sad 
asexualadvice:

You guys, I SWEAR. Even outside of our community, this is realtalk.
-Bridget
2 years ago
#brotips #1107 #do you #dtf #dtc #pressure #sex #fuck #cuddle #down to fuck #down to cuddle #dating #relationships #peer pressure #society #jersey shore #chill #cuddling 
Dear World and Fandom: Not all love is sexual. Not all love is romantic. Not all life partnerships are romantic. You can be someone’s committed life partner even if neither one of you wants to fuck the other. You can be in love without sex. You can want to spend your life with someone you have no romantic or sexual attraction toward. You can want physical affection with someone for nonsexual or nonromantic reasons.

outlawroad:

That is all.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

2 years ago
#fandom #love #relationships #romance #sexuality #asexuality #aromantic 
A PSA About Asexuality and Aromanticism

outlawroad:

Dear World,

Please take note of the following facts about asexual and aromantic people.

——

Asexuality is an orientation based on the lack of sexual attraction to other humans beings.

This means asexual people never look at other human beings and experience an arousal response or a desire to have sex with them.

That is all it means.

Some asexual people still have a sex drive and some don’t.

Some asexual people masturbate and some don’t.

What do we think of when we masturbate? Usually nothing. A lot of us use pornographic material to become physically aroused when we feel the urge to masturbate.

Why would we masturbate when we’re asexual? Because being asexual means we don’t experience sexual attraction, not that we have no sex drive. Those of us who have a sex drive lack any connection of that drive to attraction. But we still gotta take care of our physical need for sexual release.

Asexual men exist.

Asexual people have romantic orientations. We can be hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, or aromantic. This means some of us can feel romantic feelings, just like sexual people, but some of us are aromantic and don’t feel romantic feelings for anyone.

Romantic asexuals want romantic relationships. They feel romantic love. They want companionship. They just don’t want the sex.

Aromantic people—whether sexual or asexual—still have emotions and a desire to connect to others. They value relationships. They want and need and enjoy friendship and family. Many of them want to have a life partner or partners. They just don’t feel romantic love or attraction. Romantic love is not the only form of love that exists. Therefore, aromantic people still love. 

Some sexual people are aromantic too.

Being aromantic doesn’t make you a sociopath, anti-social, heartless, misanthropic, or cool with being forever alone.

Being aromantic does not solve all your problems.

Being asexual does not solve all your problems.

Some asexual people have sex. Some don’t.

Some asexual people feel neutral about participating in sex. Some feel repulsed by the idea.

Asexual people who have sex make that choice for any number of reasons: they’re curious, they’re romantically involved with someone sexual, or maybe they like it.

Asexual people can like sex for what it is: a physically pleasurable activity. Our bodies are usually fully functional. We can get aroused in the right circumstances. We can orgasm. What we lack is the attraction to people, which motivates you to actively seek out sexual partners.

Asexuality is not celibacy or abstinence. If you choose not to have sex because of religious reasons, personal reasons, health reasons, or whatever, but you still experience sexual attraction to others, you are celibate. You cannot choose to be asexual. Asexuality is an orientation. You are or you aren’t.

Being asexual is not the equivalent of never dating anyone.

Many asexuals and aromantics like nongenital physical affection. We like hugs, we like cuddles, we like holding hands, we like back rubs, we like kisses to varying degrees, etc.

Some don’t.

Just in case you’ve already forgotten: asexual men exist.

Some asexuals are polyamorous. Some are monogamous. Some don’t give a shit and just do their relationships however the hell they want.

Some asexuals are willing to date sexual people and let their sexual partners have sex outside the relationship. Some asexuals are not okay with this. If you want to know about a particular asexual’s feelings on the matter, ask.

Some asexuals like snogging. Some really, really don’t. Yes, there are romantic asexuals who don’t like kissing with tongue; they’re still romantic. If you want to know about a particular asexual’s feelings on this matter, ask.

Some asexuals have a history of sexual abuse. They can still be legitimately asexual.

Some asexuals struggle with mental illness, physical disability, mental disability, or disease. They can still be legitimately asexual.

And even if someone identifying as asexual is only circumstantially asexual based on one of the aforementioned conditions, they still have the right to use the identity if it suits them, as long as it suits them. It is not your business WHY they are what they are or why they’re using this particular identity.

Some people in the asexual community are demisexual. This means they experience only secondary sexual attraction, as a result of romantic or emotional connection with a particular individual or individuals. They never feel sexual desire for strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t know well/aren’t comfortable around/etc. This is the way they are and have always been and always will be.

Some people in the asexual community are grey-asexuals. They’re somewhere in between totally asexual and totally sexual.

For the most part, the asexual community does not care about other people’s sex lives. As long as we aren’t involved, your sex life doesn’t matter to us.

Asexuals can still find people aesthetically attractive. Just because we find someone pleasing to our eye does not mean we want that person touching our genitals. Just because we don’t want anyone touching our gentitals does not mean we’re blind.

You cannot cure us with sex. It doesn’t matter how good you are at sex. It doesn’t matter how good you are as a person. It doesn’t matter how much you love us. It doesn’t matter how much we love you. It doesn’t matter if we enjoy sex. It doesn’t matter if we orgasm when we have sex. It doesn’t matter if we consent to it. We are asexual. We do not experience sexual attraction to anybody, and there is nothing you can do about it. Period.

Asexuality is not about the sexual act. It is about sexual attraction.

You cannot cure aromantic people by attempting to romance them or trying to  persuade them that romance is the pinnacle of human experience. First of all, it’s not. Second of all, aromantic people were born the way they are. You can’t choose to be aromantic. Aromantic people can’t choose to feel romantic attraction. It is what it is.

Mixed orientation sexuals exist. These are people whose romantic and sexual orientations differ from each other. There is nothing wrong or weird about this. All it means is you have an extra complexity in your romantic/sexual/emotional life.

Those of us who are asexual or aromantic are not looking to be fixed. We aren’t broken. We’re different. We don’t need your pity. We don’t need you to show us the light. We need you to respect us or get the fuck out.

And one more time: asexual men exist.

———

Thanks for your attention.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

2 years ago
#asexuality #sexuality #sex #love #romance #aromantic #asexual #visibility #education #relationships #demisexuality #gray-a #mixed orientation sexuals #lgbtq 
"Asexuals are not interested in sex at all, even though many are in happy relationships, marriages, and committed partnerships. Relationships between asexuals have a number of advantages, including a vastly reduced likelihood of having to spend many years corralling a herd of screaming brats through McDonald’s drive-thrus and Wal-Mart."
Uncyclopedia on Asexuals.

(Source: asexual-walks-of-life)

2 years ago
#asexual #relationships #lol 
The Marriage Rights Argument

outlawroad:

aceadmiral:

So, a lot of the time when people make lists of stuff that happens to LGBT+ people what doesn’t happen to asexual people, marriage will get tacked on as a right that asexuals are not denied (specifically for being asexual, anyway). And it is true that there is no law that says “asexuals can’t get married because they’re asexual” anywhere in the world that I know of. But that kind of misses the point and the reality of asexual lives. Let me tell you a little about what I mean.

Last year I lived with a very close friend. We spent all our time together. We depended on each other emotionally, financially, etc. We slept in the same bed when we went on trips, and even took showers together sometimes.

And then we were moving back to the US and we wanted to ship our household goods together, and as I was filling out the paperwork in her name, I realized I couldn’t legally exist to customs. And that’s when it really sunk in.

The apartment was in my name, because only one of us could sign for it. The utilities were all in my name because only one of us could sign for it. We constantly had to pay each other back for things because our bank accounts were separate.

It was incredibly difficult to get people to remember that I had commitments to her, that I wasn’t a free agent that could come and go as she pleased, answerable to no-one. Since roommates are not a common social phenomenon there, it was difficult to even explain why I was living with someone else, to say nothing of why so much of my time and resources were committed to her.

But it didn’t bother me until I looked at the customs forms and I thought, “Wow, this thing that means so much to me means nothing to anyone else.”

There was no talk of us coming back and continuing to live together. Why would we? We weren’t married. We weren’t even dating. That’s not what people do.

No, there is no law stopping me from getting married. There is no particular social pressure telling me I shouldn’t get married. But marriage is not the end goal for a lot of asexuals. The kinds of relationships that asexuals (broadly speaking) want and have are neither highly socially valued nor legally recognized. They don’t really even have a good word to describe them.

Thank you for our marriage rights for our members who want to marry the “opposite” sex. Some asexuals do use them, and I’m grateful that they can if they so choose. We do have it a whole lot better in this regard than the LGBT+ people who want to get married and may not, and this is not meant to be a “boo hoo asexuals have it so hard” post. But for me and a lot of other asexuals, those rights are about as useful as an umbrella in a hurricane. It’s not something that really resonates.

[EDIT: I tried to be clear, but thinking about it again, I’m not sure, so to preempt any comments about “this is the same as gay people, you whiner,” this is not meant to be a compare-and-contrast. I am aware that this experience is very similar to LGBT+ people’s who can’t marry. This situation was not precipitated on the fact that we *couldn’t* marry, it was precipitated on the fact that we wouldn’t have even if we could have. This is not meant to show that our lives were hard (because they weren’t), it was meant to describe that the paradigm is different. That’s all.]

And you know what MY point is?

Fuck marriage privilege. Fuck it with a chainsaw bomb.

Why the FUCK do married people even HAVE special fucking rights and benefits courtesy of the government and private businesses AT ALL? That’s fucking Bullshit. I don’t give a fuck who I spend my life with and what their gender is, I’m never getting married, and why the FUCK should I have to enter into a fucking legally binding agreement just so that Uncle Sam will go: “Oh! You were such a good little girl! Here’s your reward.” Fuck that bullshit. Fuck unmarried people being treated like second class citizens just because their fucking personal lifestyle choice doesn’t match the fuck up with what a bunch of pricks in power think is the best way to live.

This is why I never understood the gay marriage issue. Gay marriage becomes nationally legalized, that doesn’t fucking solve ANYTHING for all the people who still don’t want to fucking get married—no matter what their orientation—and who have every right to make that choice and still have the exact same fucking respect and rights and options as married people. But hey, if gay people can get married and straight people can get married and it all looks equal on the outside, then fuck everybody who DOESN’T want to get married because it’s our choice not to, so we can just go fuck ourselves, right? Married people are SO motherfucking special, they DESERVE exclusive privileges from everywhere.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been living with someone, it doesn’t matter how stable the relationship(s) is/are, it doesn’t matter how much we support each other, it doesn’t matter if we’re male and female or two males or two females, it doesn’t matter if we’re happy together or if we’re all each other has, because as long as we don’t sign the God damn piece of paper, the motherfucking government doesn’t give a shit who we are or what we have.

And what the fuck do polyamorous people do, huh? Oh, well, no one gives a shit about them because they’re all cheating weirdos anyway.

And what if you’re a person who just likes keeping all your shit separate no matter who is in your life? What if you like being single?  Fuck you especially; you deserve to pay higher fees and taxes for everything and die alone in a hospital and work longer hours because we don’t like your rejection of our Super Special Institution.

Fuck marriage privilege. I don’t give a fuck if they legalize marrying animals. Unmarried people should not be second class citizens in their own fucking country based on a personal choice that is nobody else’s fucking business.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

2 years ago
#asexuality #marriage #relationships #rights #bullshit 
To Sexual People who Think Being Asexual is the Solution to Relationship Angst:

outlawroad:

(I’m posting this separately; it’s from a reblog I commented on.)

Being asexual isn’t the equivalent of being aromantic or celibate. Sure, some asexuals are also aromantic and some asexuals are celibate. But not all of us. I, for one, am romantic and celibate. Which means that if I were willing to put myself out there to form romantic relationships with sexual people (which I’m not), I’d have to constantly put up with The Sex Issue. Because I will never agree to do anything sexual of any kind. And let’s face it, most sexual people in the world expect sex in a monogamous romantic relationship. I don’t fault them for it, but obviously, I’m not compatible with any of those people, enough to warrant becoming emotionally/romantically entangled.

I want an asexual man for a romantic life partner. Which narrows my choices down to the 1 percent of humanity that’s asexual, then further narrows it to the percentage of asexuals who are male, then further narrows it to the percentage of asexuals males who are heteromantic, and of that pool—which is scattered all over the place—one of them’s gotta be a match to ME, the person, not just me the asexual.

Oh, yeah, and asexuals don’t exactly go around wearing t-shirts every day identifying themselves as asexual. So I have no way of knowing who is and who isn’t, in real life, unless I meet somebody formally and end up having a conversation about sexual orientation. I live my life assuming everybody around me is sexual until proven otherwise, so as far as finding a romantic match, it’s not like I look at all males as possibilities from which to make a selection. Because most of them are automatically disqualified for being sexual. And without resorting to the internet, I’m left to meet asexual men by chance—and not just meet them but actually discover they’re asexual. Some of them may not know they are, some of them may want to keep it a secret, and like I said before, not all asexual males are looking to be romantically involved with a female-bodied person or at all.

Fortunately, I’ve reached a place in my life where I’ve stopped caring if I’m romantically unattached for the rest of my life, but there was a time where I was making myself sick with depression. Despair I can’t describe to you. Totally suicidal. Mostly because I realized that being asexual in this sex-obsessed culture means, among other shit, getting left in the dust of your sexual friends’ wedding parades, in addition to the whole Romantic Relationship situation I’ve just described, and at 18 years old (I’m 21 now), the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, unloved, without physical affection, and without anyone who understands me, chooses to stay with me, etc…. Well, it didn’t look really fuckin appealing, frankly.

During those misery times, I often thought: “You know, if only I were sexual just like everybody else, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. I’d at least have a pretty good shot. I could date like everybody else and probably get married and blah blah blah.”

Granted, now, as a self-loving and self-confident person in touch with who I really am, I would never in a million fuckin years want to be like everybody else, am anti-marriage, think conventional dating’s stupid, etc.

But my point is, being asexual is not some magical antidote to relationship angst. In fact, it’s a pretty valid reason FOR relationship angst. (Not that I’m recommending it to my fellow aces, by the way.)

Even aromantic people often want some kind of life partner, though not romantic. Imagine what it must feel like to be in THAT position, in this society.

Pretty much, the only way to be forever free of relationship-related angst is to be something akin to a sociopath. Which might be fun, but it’s not something any of us can choose.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

2 years ago
#asexuality #asexuals #love #relationships #romance #aromantic 
Genuine question about asexual relationships.

thewalkingparadox:

My understanding of asexuality is that they don’t have sexual attractions and don’t enjoy sex. (Although apparently some can experience sexual attractions? If so I’m not talking about them).

If you’re in a asexual relationship, I am going to assume that you aren’t intimate with your partner and just enjoy the company and the emotional bond. My question is, how do you establish rules of cheating? What constitutes as cheating on your partner if there’s no intimacy? You can enjoy an emotional bond with anyone, you can have feelings towards any number of people. In most relationships the manifestation of these feelings into a physical act i.e. a kiss or intercourse, is what is typically considered cheating. So how does it work in asexual relationships?

An asexual is somebody who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to anybody, however there are asexual people who still do have sex (if they’re with a partner who is sexual). It’s entirely possible for an asexual to enjoy sex, there’s nothing wrong physically with our body’s. It’s simply the lack of sexual attraction. However asexuals are still capable of romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction.

I suppose what would be considered cheating would be up to the individual. Many people who’re not asexual would consider kissing another person intimately as a form of cheating, or flirting as a form of cheating. Where as others might not have a problem with their partner kissing another person, but would feel having sex with another person as a act of cheating.

It would be entirely up to the individual. Sorry if my explanation leaves you confused I’m sure one of my followers might have a better answer for you though :)

(Source: asongofopposites)

2 years ago
#asexual #asexuals #asexuality #relationships