littlemissclio-deactivated20130 asked: I've been trying to find where I fit on the asexual spectrum for months. I only experience sexual attraction whenever it is with somebody who I have a VERY strong emotional connection to, so I would think I'd identify as demisexual. But here's the thing... my sexual attraction for the person I have a strong emotional attachment to is very random. Like, for a week or two I might be sexually attracted to my boyfriend and enjoy kissing him and doing other sexual things with him. [continued]
But suddenly it just turns off. I lose my sexual attraction for him. Kissing him becomes a chore, I can’t get in the mood for the life of me, it just doesn’t interest me at all. It can last anywhere from days to weeks or maybe even longer. So basically my question is, is this normal for a demisexual? Would gray-a be a better description of me even though my sexual attraction is ONLY for people who I have a strong emotional connection to? Does this sound like a health problem, not my sexuality?
Really, the only one who can determine that for yourself is you.
Since you say you only experience sexual attraction to those you’re emotionally connected with, I’d personally say that demisexual fits you, despite it not happening sometimes. I don’t think frequency really matters with that.
I am not demisexual, and I can’t say if anyone else has experiences with this, however I’m sure there are.
I shouldn’t think that it’s unheard of that sexual attraction fluctuates, though. I don’t think it would have anything to do with health, but if you have a genuine concern I wouldn’t encourage you to ignore it.
Does this happen to anyone else?
@1 year ago with 6 notes
#slushypipps #ask #demisexual #demisexuality #asexual #asexuality #gray asexual #grey asexual
Anonymous asked: Can you explain what "romantic attraction" is? Every time someone asks "what are aromantics?" the answer is always "people who don't feel romantic attraction", but I never find a definition for what, exactly, romantic attraction is. Could you provide an example?
I will be completely honest with you: I can’t. I have no idea. And I actually don’t think anyone really knows how to describe it. I have searched a lot and have never come across one definitive or satisfactory definition.
I myself identify as aromantic, and I still do not understand what romantic attraction is or feels like. (Which I think is why I chose aromantic, because surely I’d recognize it if I felt it, right? I don’t know.)
Some people say that it is like friendship, but with sex; however, this completely erases romantic asexuals, or even aromantic sexuals, and so I don’t think this is a valid description at all.
Some people say that it is the desire to form an exclusive, life-long relationship with someone, but this also is problematic with the concept of queerplatonic/platonic/polygamous relationships.
Some people say “it’s when you keep eye-contact, want to be with/think of/talk to or about them all the time, plan to be married, etc” but I do not believe these behaviors to be exclusively romantic, and again these are behaviors and as has been said: behavior is not attraction.
I think that the only one who can really determine romantic attraction is yourself, and what you would consider it to be, which I understand is probably a completely unhelpful non-answer.
I believe that it would be useful to see other people perspectives on romantic attraction, so what do you guys personally consider romantic attraction? The more input the better. (But again, take everyone’s thoughts with a bit of salt, because they may not be applicable to you.)
@2 years ago with 23 notes
#Anonymous #ask #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aromanticism #demisexual #demisexuality
@2 years ago with 30 notes
#ace #asexual #asexuality #asexuals #asexy #demisexual #demisexuality #privilege denying asexuals #lgbt
The Privilege Denying Asexuals meme has been floating on tumblr for a while, and it seems to me that the person who’s behind is either being deliberately obtuse, being incredibly bigoted, or perpetrating a troll. In the sidebar, there appears two obviously flawed statements:
Cisgender hetero* people are not queer, whether or not they are asexual.
What about cisgender heteroromantic bisexuals, are they queer? Asexuals are not hetersexual. Asexuals are asexual, which (when not using the umbrella definition) means they don’t feel sexual attraction towards people of either the same sex, the opposite sex, or any non-binary gender identity. Just because they can pass for another orientation if they’re not aromantic, doesn’t make them not asexual, any more than a bi person in a hetero relationship being able to pass as hetero makes them not bi.
Opinions are going to differ about whether asexuals can rightfully claim the label “queer”, and part of the problem is that the word is used different ways by different people even withing the LGBTetc movement. Some don’t use it at all, some define it as exclusively referring to gays, some use it for non-cis/non-straight individuals, and some use it more or less as a synonym for LGBTetc. Asexuals are usually considered to fall under the LGBTetc umbrella, and so for the latter definition of “queer”, asexuals would probably qualify, but not for any of the former.
“Demisexuality” is a bullshit “orientation” that is nothing more than thinly-veiled slut-shaming.
This statement ignores the difference between orientation and behavior. Oscar Wilde is widely considered to have been gay, but he had a wife and kids. Demisexuality is not slut shaming, because all it says about a person is whether they feel sexual attraction outside the context of a romantic relationship. It says nothing about their behavior. A person not having a sexual attraction towards people does not stop them from engaging in sex. A demisexual could have promiscuous sex with everyone they met, and they would still be demisexual - just as Oscar Wilde could have sex with his wife and still be gay. Orientation != behavior. Demisexuality is not passing judgement on the sexual behavior of non-demisexuals any more than heterosexuality is passing judgement on the sexual behavior of non-heterosexuals (and for the same reason. Namely, that one is an orientation is the other is behavior. It’s apples to oranges.)
As for the related charge (made elsewhere) that demisexuality is actually what’s expected of women in Western society, or is the default orientation of most people. This again confuses orientation and behavior. Celibacy != asexuality. Chastity != demisexuality. While “purity” or “chastity” may be the traditional ideal in the Western world, it is not the reality in practice, because the ideal does not magically change people’s orientations. The majority of women and men experience sexual attraction to others before getting to know a person. That doesn’t mean that they’re going to act on their feelings, and it’s not a bad thing if they do (And increasingly society has come to realize this, lingering Rape Culture and Slut Shaming notwithstanding.) All demisexuality means is that the person can’t feel attraction before romantic feelings have developed. In modern times, we live in a society that is both obsessed with and secretive about sex, and while demisexuals may not suffer oppression from the secretive elements of society (which seem to be the only elements that demi-denyers seem to care about), they certainly can experience oppression from the obsessive elements of society (the same elements that pressure people to lose their virginity at a certain age, or which say that all men ever think about is sex, or that the only purpose of female sexuality is to provide pleasure to men.) Whether the oppression demisexuals feel is worse or better than the oppression other groups feel is another question entirely from whether demisexuals are oppressed.