It’s okay to want to have sex.
It’s okay to not want to have sex.
It’s okay to want to have sex everyday.
It’s okay to only want sex only under specific circumstances.
It’s okay to want to have sex with lots of people.
It’s okay to want to have sex with just one person.
It’s okay to not be ready for sex.

(Source: asexualeducation)

themasterdances:

One of the main reasons I assumed I was straight, and didn’t really discover anything under the asexual umbrella was because of things I was told when I was still rather young. Pretty much from when I learned how sex worked, though the puberty years of middle school, I would periodically talk to my mom about how I felt about sex. Or mostly, that I couldn’t really fathom wanting sex with another person. I was always told, with the best of intentions, that my feelings would change when I was older/when I got a boyfriend.

Despite my mom treating it like something that I was just going to grow out of, I noted that if I did talk about my lack of.. sexual interest.. with others, they tended to laugh (not cruelly), be confused/disbelieving, and generally thought I was just cute and innocent.

Now that I’m older, its really nice having a vocabulary I can use to describe myself. Words like “demisexual”, “grey a”, “primary/secondary sexual attraction” make a profound difference, even though I essentially feel the same way I always did.

I think its silly that there are people insisting demisexuality isn’t valid. I mean, sheesh, I’ve known I was this since I was a child, all that’s changed is there’s a word for it. How is that ‘invalid’ or being a ‘special snowflake’? And if you see no real difference between demisexuality and being straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or pan, well it doesn’t really hurt you if I consider demisexual to be a more accurate label.

I just think its important to remind people: You are valid. What you feel is valid. No one else knows what YOU feel, and they cannot tell you that your feelings are something other than what you know them to be. <3

(Source: ladyknightt)

littlemissclio-deactivated20130 asked: I've been trying to find where I fit on the asexual spectrum for months. I only experience sexual attraction whenever it is with somebody who I have a VERY strong emotional connection to, so I would think I'd identify as demisexual. But here's the thing... my sexual attraction for the person I have a strong emotional attachment to is very random. Like, for a week or two I might be sexually attracted to my boyfriend and enjoy kissing him and doing other sexual things with him. [continued]

But suddenly it just turns off. I lose my sexual attraction for him. Kissing him becomes a chore, I can’t get in the mood for the life of me, it just doesn’t interest me at all. It can last anywhere from days to weeks or maybe even longer. So basically my question is, is this normal for a demisexual? Would gray-a be a better description of me even though my sexual attraction is ONLY for people who I have a strong emotional connection to? Does this sound like a health problem, not my sexuality?

Really, the only one who can determine that for yourself is you.

Since you say you only experience sexual attraction to those you’re emotionally connected with, I’d personally say that demisexual fits you, despite it not happening sometimes. I don’t think frequency really matters with that.

I am not demisexual, and I can’t say if anyone else has experiences with this, however I’m sure there are.

I shouldn’t think that it’s unheard of that sexual attraction fluctuates, though. I don’t think it would have anything to do with health, but if you have a genuine concern I wouldn’t encourage you to ignore it.

Does this happen to anyone else?

-Griff

Demisexuality is not “I will only sleep with certain people when I really love them”

agenderace:

I will make this point, and tag it, as many times as is needed. Because seriously, THAT IS NOT DEMISEXUALITY. That is the societally accepted version of female behavior. Does that explanation fit certain, if not many, demis? Yes. Does that explanation fit all demis? NO. Does that explanation fit many people who are not demi? Yes. Does that explanation fit everyone who is not demi? No. There are many different patterns of behavior and attraction, among all different orientations. All of those (that do not hurt someone or otherwise violate consent issues or whatnot) are valid and normal.

Fighting to defend demisexuality as a valid orientation is not people wanting to be special snowflakes because they’re really normal but want a pretty label and flag. It’s about wanting it recognized that they experience sexual attraction in a way that is FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT to many or most people in the world. No one who is demi is automatically slutshaming because of their orientation. If an individual is a demi and slutshamer, then they are a demi AND a slutshamer. Two different things. You can be a demi and not slutshame. It is possible.

Demisexuality is about attraction. That’s it. Something in common with the asexual community and that lack of sexual attraction. Nothing at all about behavior. I am sure there are sex repulsed demisexuals out there, that will not have sex even if they do become attracted to someone. THEY ARE STILL DEMISEXUAL. My friend, the one who posts on here occasionally, has lots of casual sex and enjoys it, without being sexually attracted to the women she sleeps with. SHE IS STILL DEMISEXUAL.

BEHAVIOR IS NOT ATTRACTION. Please can we keep this in mind?

Another really neat and educational article on the asexuality spectrum.

Mya Vaughn, a SF sex and relationship examiner, discusses asexuality and celibacy.

I personally love this article as it describes the many different types of asexuality and romantic attractions. The author also distinguishes the differences between those who’re sex positive, averse and anti-sexual. 

Read the article here

FACT: When Batman goes on vacation, protecting Gotham is delegated to a team of crime-fighting demisexuals.

(Source: factsaboutqueers)

Sex or Society: the pressure to be attractive (an experiment)

An experiment someone conducted on 52 people of the asexual spectrum.

Check it out here: (x)

Anonymous asked: Can you explain what "romantic attraction" is? Every time someone asks "what are aromantics?" the answer is always "people who don't feel romantic attraction", but I never find a definition for what, exactly, romantic attraction is. Could you provide an example?

I will be completely honest with you: I can’t. I have no idea. And I actually don’t think anyone really knows how to describe it. I have searched a lot and have never come across one definitive or satisfactory definition.

I myself identify as aromantic, and I still do not understand what romantic attraction is or feels like. (Which I think is why I chose aromantic, because surely I’d recognize it if I felt it, right? I don’t know.)

Some people say that it is like friendship, but with sex; however, this completely erases romantic asexuals, or even aromantic sexuals, and so I don’t think this is a valid description at all.

Some people say that it is the desire to form an exclusive, life-long relationship with someone, but this also is problematic with the concept of queerplatonic/platonic/polygamous relationships.

Some people say “it’s when you keep eye-contact, want to be with/think of/talk to or about them all the time, plan to be married, etc” but I do not believe these behaviors to be exclusively romantic, and again these are behaviors and as has been said: behavior is not attraction.

I think that the only one who can really determine romantic attraction is yourself, and what you would consider it to be, which I understand is probably a completely unhelpful non-answer.

I believe that it would be useful to see other people perspectives on romantic attraction, so what do you guys personally consider romantic attraction? The more input the better. (But again, take everyone’s thoughts with a bit of salt, because they may not be applicable to you.)

-Griff

How Asexuality Works