@2 years ago with 31 notes
So, a lot of the time when people make lists of stuff that happens to LGBT+ people what doesn’t happen to asexual people, marriage will get tacked on as a right that asexuals are not denied (specifically for being asexual, anyway). And it is true that there is no law that says “asexuals can’t get married because they’re asexual” anywhere in the world that I know of. But that kind of misses the point and the reality of asexual lives. Let me tell you a little about what I mean.
Last year I lived with a very close friend. We spent all our time together. We depended on each other emotionally, financially, etc. We slept in the same bed when we went on trips, and even took showers together sometimes.
And then we were moving back to the US and we wanted to ship our household goods together, and as I was filling out the paperwork in her name, I realized I couldn’t legally exist to customs. And that’s when it really sunk in.
The apartment was in my name, because only one of us could sign for it. The utilities were all in my name because only one of us could sign for it. We constantly had to pay each other back for things because our bank accounts were separate.
It was incredibly difficult to get people to remember that I had commitments to her, that I wasn’t a free agent that could come and go as she pleased, answerable to no-one. Since roommates are not a common social phenomenon there, it was difficult to even explain why I was living with someone else, to say nothing of why so much of my time and resources were committed to her.
But it didn’t bother me until I looked at the customs forms and I thought, “Wow, this thing that means so much to me means nothing to anyone else.”
There was no talk of us coming back and continuing to live together. Why would we? We weren’t married. We weren’t even dating. That’s not what people do.
No, there is no law stopping me from getting married. There is no particular social pressure telling me I shouldn’t get married. But marriage is not the end goal for a lot of asexuals. The kinds of relationships that asexuals (broadly speaking) want and have are neither highly socially valued nor legally recognized. They don’t really even have a good word to describe them.
Thank you for our marriage rights for our members who want to marry the “opposite” sex. Some asexuals do use them, and I’m grateful that they can if they so choose. We do have it a whole lot better in this regard than the LGBT+ people who want to get married and may not, and this is not meant to be a “boo hoo asexuals have it so hard” post. But for me and a lot of other asexuals, those rights are about as useful as an umbrella in a hurricane. It’s not something that really resonates.
[EDIT: I tried to be clear, but thinking about it again, I’m not sure, so to preempt any comments about “this is the same as gay people, you whiner,” this is not meant to be a compare-and-contrast. I am aware that this experience is very similar to LGBT+ people’s who can’t marry. This situation was not precipitated on the fact that we *couldn’t* marry, it was precipitated on the fact that we wouldn’t have even if we could have. This is not meant to show that our lives were hard (because they weren’t), it was meant to describe that the paradigm is different. That’s all.]
And you know what MY point is?
Fuck marriage privilege. Fuck it with a chainsaw bomb.
Why the FUCK do married people even HAVE special fucking rights and benefits courtesy of the government and private businesses AT ALL? That’s fucking Bullshit. I don’t give a fuck who I spend my life with and what their gender is, I’m never getting married, and why the FUCK should I have to enter into a fucking legally binding agreement just so that Uncle Sam will go: “Oh! You were such a good little girl! Here’s your reward.” Fuck that bullshit. Fuck unmarried people being treated like second class citizens just because their fucking personal lifestyle choice doesn’t match the fuck up with what a bunch of pricks in power think is the best way to live.
This is why I never understood the gay marriage issue. Gay marriage becomes nationally legalized, that doesn’t fucking solve ANYTHING for all the people who still don’t want to fucking get married—no matter what their orientation—and who have every right to make that choice and still have the exact same fucking respect and rights and options as married people. But hey, if gay people can get married and straight people can get married and it all looks equal on the outside, then fuck everybody who DOESN’T want to get married because it’s our choice not to, so we can just go fuck ourselves, right? Married people are SO motherfucking special, they DESERVE exclusive privileges from everywhere.
It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been living with someone, it doesn’t matter how stable the relationship(s) is/are, it doesn’t matter how much we support each other, it doesn’t matter if we’re male and female or two males or two females, it doesn’t matter if we’re happy together or if we’re all each other has, because as long as we don’t sign the God damn piece of paper, the motherfucking government doesn’t give a shit who we are or what we have.
And what the fuck do polyamorous people do, huh? Oh, well, no one gives a shit about them because they’re all cheating weirdos anyway.
And what if you’re a person who just likes keeping all your shit separate no matter who is in your life? What if you like being single? Fuck you especially; you deserve to pay higher fees and taxes for everything and die alone in a hospital and work longer hours because we don’t like your rejection of our Super Special Institution.
Fuck marriage privilege. I don’t give a fuck if they legalize marrying animals. Unmarried people should not be second class citizens in their own fucking country based on a personal choice that is nobody else’s fucking business.
#asexuality #marriage #relationships #rights #bullshit