Anonymous asked: Hello, I am with my boyfriend who i have known for 2 years now but only started dating for around 6 months. He told me he considers himself an Asexual. At first i thought he can't be this because we have sex and in the beginning of our relationship we were having a lot of it but after a few months we barely have sex once a week! My question is how many times do Asexuals who are in relationships with people who are not asexuals have sex? is it right for me to be asking him to have sex more often?
Asexuals can have sex, it’s simply that they don’t experience that attraction. And it’s really nice to see that you’re going to asexual spaces and asking advice, too.
How often sex occurs really just depends on the individuals in the relationship. Some asexuals in a relationship with a non-asexuals will have sex fairly often and some won’t have any at all. It simply depends on what that individual is comfortable with, what sort of sex drive they have, and how they work things out with their partner. Asexuals are just as varied as non-asexuals, even when it comes to sex and relationships.
The really important thing about a mixed-orientation relationship is communication. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t talk to him about it like you would about any other part of a relationship; if you don’t let him know when an issue arises in your relationship, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
It’s just really important to keep in mind when you’re discussing this with him is that a common message asexuals come across everywhere is that they are obligated to compromise sexually for their partner, so it’s important to make sure that he doesn’t feel pressured or anything like that. You may be able to work something out, as long as you two keep communication open, but he may also have boundaries and limitations that need to be respected.
If you ever need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask.
-Griff@11 months ago with 4 notes