my-happy-medium asked: ok so pardon my ignorance since I'm new to the whole asexual game here (meaning i just recently learned what it really was) but it seems like the term "asexual" has a lot of gray area. like, just about anyone could be considered asexual at any point in time? It just seems kind of silly to put all these different labels on our sexuality when it can be so fluid, I dunno. And it has me questioning my own as well lol. hope this isn't too confusing or near-sighted :)
Ignorance isn’t bad as long as you ask questions and try to do something about it, which you seem to be doing, so it’s fine. c:
Asexuality does have a gray area, but that doesn’t mean that it’s inclusive to anyone and everyone at some point. I really don’t think that is, at least. Usually when people are at the point where they’re having to go through the process of questioning their sexuality and asexuality is one of the identities they are considering, then it probably has a significant effect on how they perceive themselves or relate to other people or interact in their social environment. The gray spectrum of asexuality exists because while sexuality is difficult to define, even people in the gray are still experiencing things differently enough from most other people to merit that distinction. So while it’s true non-ace-spec people generally don’t experience sexual attraction to every single person of the preferred gender they meet, it’s still enough that it doesn’t affect how they identify with others or society. So I just highly doubt that everyone could be considered asexual at some point.
And even if everyone could be considered ace-spec at some point, what about all of the people who are asexual their entire lives? Should they just not call themselves asexual because it happens to everyone?
There also seems to be an increasing stigma against labels for sexuality and gender identities, and I wish that that wasn’t so. I used to be a bit against labels too, until I understood what they were really about. Sure, I do support the whole “everyone’s human” thing and “labels shouldn’t define you” stuff, to a point. It’s very true that sexuality can be fluid (although not always or even all that often often, really), and it’s certainly difficult to define since it’s such a wide spectrum, but labels and identities are a lot more important than they’re given credit for.
Human beings like being able to define things, they appreciate comprehensibility and order as that brings them stability. Stability is basically what people strive for, as it makes survival easier and less stressful, it’s just an instinctual thing. Finding something that they fit with gives them that. It also allows them to feel less alone and alienated, which is also very important as humans are social animals (at an instinctual level, so even people who don’t like much company still have an innate, if unconscious, need for familiarity). When people take on an asexual identity, they discover something that they have in common with millions of other people. Having something in common with so many in the midst of a society that makes them feel unwelcome or even non-existent is a really good comfort to have. They have a connection with other people with similar circumstances or experiences.
Labels are more than just words people slap on willy-nilly (although some people do do that). They help people understand themselves and connect to or relate with other people. It’s really important because there have been some people who have actually been incredibly upset about themselves and even suicidal over this difference that they have before discovering asexuality. That label gives them something they can understand and people they can be supported by. Not even actively, but sometimes just with the simple fact of knowing there are others.
I do hope that you figure everything out, though. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to drop another ask.
-Griff
@11 months ago with 16 notes#my happy medium #ask #asexual #asexuality
