Gray asexual, or just sexually developing slow?
This is really a question, but it’s much too long to put into an ask. I really want to describe my situation as clearly as possible so I can get the best answer.
About me: I’m a girl, I’m almost 20, and right now I consider myself a heteromantic gray asexual. I recently started following this blog, and I’ve never really wanted to do much research about my own asexuality because it’s confusing as there are so many different levels. I tell myself I’m one thing, but then I’ll read something that says otherwise and then I have to change exactly what I call myself.
When I was in middle school and high school and all my friends and I were going through puberty and being all interested in boys, I felt attracted to boys, but not sexually. I didn’t really understand how my girl friends were all “OMG I’d totes bang him!” I’d just laugh and play along even though I didn’t really get it. I had like 1 crush my entire middle/high school life, and since he was “popular” and I wasn’t, I never even talked to him so that was all physical. There were other boys that were good looking but I wasn’t attracted to them in the same way. I think I was sensually attracted to this boy, and other boys I just found physically attractive. I figured it was just the guys in my town were all kind of… not good enough and that I had standards or whatever.
One day I was reading a yaoi manga (junjo romantica! yay!) and I was trying to tell one of the boys on my bus that I don’t really care about the sex, I just really like the romantic relationships. He said “Have you ever heard of AVEN?” I asked him what is was and he said I should just look it up when I got home.
So I did, and that is what opened me to the world of asexuality. I was 15 at the time, and was still figuring out exactly what I wanted in a relationship, if I even wanted a relationship. I had a boyfriend at one point, and really only decided to date him because he was my best friends friend and he asked me to his junior prom, but I wasn’t really attracted to him at all. We were together 3 months.
Between senior year of high school, and my first year of college, I had a boyfriend for about a month. I told him that I consider myself asexual and he didn’t really get it and only wanted to see my boobs. I was totally fine just hanging around in his room with my shirt off. He kept pressuring me to go farther with him but I wasn’t really into it. I dated him because I felt I needed more experience as to what I wanted in a relationship.
Skip to the middle of my second quarter in college, I met this guy in one of my classes. We kind of had this mutual flirtation going, and he was the teddy bear kind of cute. We went on a date, and it was a good date, but then I just kind of ignored his advances afterwards. I don’t really know why, I just wasn’t feeling it. We’re still friends.
About a year ago (so the end of the next quarter), I met this other boy. I’m a game design major, and let’s be honest, cute nerdy guys are kind of hard to come by. I sat down next to this guy because I thought he was cute (physically pleasing!). We didn’t really talk much but I always enjoyed our little conversations and I would be a bit disappointed when he didn’t show up for class.
At the end of the quarter, he asked me to lunch and I was so excited. We exchanged numbers and I texted him the second I found a free day in my schedule. I called one of my best friends and told her how I was hoping that it was a date because he was just so cute and a really nice guy. After our third time going out we decided to become a couple and be official and all.
After about a month into dating I told him that I consider myself asexual. He was like “What?” because he’d never heard of that before. I explained that I don’t feel sexualy attraction, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find him physically attractive and that I’d like to have sex one day just to say I’ve had it, but I don’t find it totally necessary. It didn’t really change anything, so I was thinking maybe he didn’t understand. I went home and did more research on it so I could better explain to him what I am. We talked about it again and he just said maybe because I haven’t tried sex, I feel that way. I told him that’s not the case and I told him I’d like to have sex with him eventually because he is sexual and it’s a way that we can make that mutual romantic connection or whatever.
Anyway, as our relationship progressed, I started to find him more and more sexually attractive, I think. I had the desire to see him and cuddle up next to him when he wasn’t wearing a shirt and basically I found his body attractive.
So I’m confused because I’m experiencing a little bit of what I think is sexual attraction. Eventually we have sex, and it’s not the best thing in the world. But there’s this moment while we’re doing it where I just feel so connected to him and I can’t get this anywhere else. And it’s the only reason I wan’t to have sex with him.
I don’t think about having sex with anyone else, I just can’t see it. Sure, I’m attracted to other guys, but he’s really the only guy that I’m seriously attracted to.
Even after a year of dating, he still makes my heart pound whenever I see him or think about him, and I’m still totally physically and romantically attracted to him, where with other boys I’ve just lost all interest after a month.
So, my question finally. Should I still consider myself a gray asexual or am I just sexually developing slowly? I can’t imagine myself being in a relationship with anyone else or experiencing these feelings with anyone else.
Sorry, accidentally published this without replying. One moment
Edit: I think you actually sound like you could potentially be demisexual. You developing attraction to this guy after forming a connection sounds like that’s what it could be.
But it’s up to your distinction.
Edit: I went with demi since you specified sexual attraction, as well as that other attraction (which sounds sensual attraction), so that’s what I went with.
It is also possible to experience sex and enjoy the connection while not being attracted, per se.
-Griff
@1 year ago with 6 notes#asexual #asexuality #ace #submission
