space-gecko-sex said: I'm an ace, in a relationship (not aromantic). The problem is, I didn't realize I was ace UNTIL a few months in. Long story short, after coming out to her, she took it as "Oh you don't love me". I tried to explain it just meant "I'M NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU" not, "I don't love you" or anything like that. Problem is, she treats me different because of it. If I tell her she looks cute or anything, I just get met with "Oh, you're just saying that :(". It's frustrating. Any advice?

I know you’ve told her, but really stress that just because you don’t find her sexually attractive, you can still love her romantically and find her aesthetically attractive (so that you mean it when you say she looks cute), make sure to explain those are all different things. It’s really important that you let her know that the way she’s treating you isn’t good and hurts. Tell her that you’re still the same person you were before you came out, that’s always an issue, a lot of people don’t seem to understand that concept.

Information is really important, because she seems to have misconceptions about what asexuality means for a relationship. Maybe direct her to AVEN, there are Relationship FAQS and forums, that she can inform herself with.

Communication is super important with mixed-orientation relationships (it’s important in any relationship, but especially mixed). It really comes down to communication and if it doesn’t get through to her, you shouldn’t allow her continue to treat you differently. It’s not worth a relationship if she can’t accept you as you are or without letting it affect how she treats you.

Does anyone else have anything to add? I’m sure this is a situation that happens fairly often.


@2 years ago with 5 notes
#teaandtheatre #ask #asexual #asexuality 
  1. delaluce said: Stress the difference between sexually attractive and simply attractive. I’m demi and my boyfriend is super sexual. I find his looks perfect but will probs never find him sexually attractive, which I’ve had to explain to him in a positive way.
  2. we-blaze-away said: Yeah, seriously, talk to her about all the different forms attraction can take - aesthetic, romantic, intellectual, sensual, sexual - and explain that just because you don’t feel *one* of them, doesn’t mean you don’t feel the others.
  3. pkmnbreederlimes said: I would perhaps stress the difference between sexual and romantic attraction? Because she seems to be equating sexual attraction=love here. Coming from someone who isn’t ace who is in a ltr with an asexual person.
  4. asexualeducation posted this