Anonymous asked: I’m asexual- and aromantic as far as I can tell. It was always there, but once I told my friend, she started acting different towards me. If I say something about her relationships she responds with things like, “You only think that because you’re ace.” or “You don’t understand.” I’ve started trying to just ignore her romantic relationships but it doesn’t help that she’s now in one with my brother. If I say anything regarding relationships are friendship gets shaky. Am I doing the right thing?
I’m not sure ignoring them is really going to work in the long run, especially since she’s in one with your sibling. That doesn’t get rid of the problem in the first place. It also seems the problem is more than her being in a relationship, it’s her disrespecting you and treating you differently. If you feel that you’re more comfortable ignoring them, though, go ahead, I know how difficult confrontations can be.
Communication is important, I think. Maybe try to just talk with her and tell her that you’re still the same person before you came out and that you’re starting to feel really bothered by her attitude towards you. Tell her that it’s not fair or right that she invalidates your opinions based on your orientation. Tell her how you feel she’s treating you. Let her know that you value her friendship, but that she’s being really disrespectful.
((If that doesn’t help though, I know it’s easy for me to say this, because I’m not emotionally involved here, but if she disregards your thoughts and opinions on the basis of your orientation and is treating you differently because of it, you might want to think about if your relationship with her is really worth that sort of stress and disrespect. No one should be treated like their orientation invalidates what they think.))
Friendships do get a bit rough when one gets into a romantic relationship, but I think communication can really help.
Does anyone else have any sort of thoughts or advice to offer?
Hello anon! One of my friends has been acting much the same way. It was very annoying and sometimes upsetting when she would basically say “You don’t understand because you can’t fall in love” or “Oh, you don’t know what it’s like to be in a relationship so don’t bother trying to give me advice” and stuff like that, and exclude me from conversations about sex and relationships. (Not to mention I am not even aromantic!)
Eventually after she said something I simply spoke to her when we were alone and said as kindly as possible “Look, W, I know that I don’t understand your relationship with J, but I find it a little hurtful when you exclude me or act like I don’t see the world properly just because I don’t have the same sort of relationship with anybody. I’m still your friend and I’m not going to be grossed out if you talk about sex in front of me, so please don’t treat me differently.”
She’s quite a proud person, but she did pause for a while and then admit that she had been speaking a little thoughtlessly and said she would take that into consideration from now on. So, yeah, basically, communication communication communication! Good luck <3
(via aximili)@2 years ago with 7 notes
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