Why is this? Because sex-positivity is not intended to be about personally wanting to have sex; it’s about supporting the right of all people of all genders to have as much or as little sex as they want without being judged by arbitrary standards of “purity” or “experience.” It’s about believing that other people’s bodies, and the ways in which they do or do not choose to derive pleasure from those bodies, are none of your goddamn business, and none of your neighbors’ business, and none of the government’s business. It’s about believing that sex is not inherently bad or wrong or immoral, and that people shouldn’t be shamed for their sexual activity — or lack thereof.
A lot of people, for some reason, seem to miss this nuance, from what I’ve heard. They think that being “sex-positive” means you have to have lots and lots of sex, in defiance of social norms, and enjoy it. They think that you have to want to have sex, and if you don’t you’re repressed and/or buying into the aforementioned social norms. For that reason, sex-positive spaces can become unsafe for celibate, asexual, and/or less sexually active individuals, and that sucks and I won’t stand in the way of anyone’s right to object to that. Hell, I object to it. But that doesn’t mean that the idea of sex-positivity isn’t worthy and valid, any more than the fact that some feminists scorn and disdain naturally feminine women means that feminism itself is sucky and anti-femininity. It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex, or even if sex grosses you out, and that certainly doesn’t mean you can’t think that everyone should get to make their own (safe, consensual) choices on the subject without fear of judgment.
Now that you’ve read my perspective on sex-positivity as a philosophy (I do understand that the movement has its issues), perhaps you will better understand when I say that as a matter of fact, I think that in this respect, asexuals (even sex-aversive asexuals) should be sex-positive. Why? Because, hello, everyone should be sex-positive. You don’t have to use the label or identify with the movement, but honestly, if you think a person’s sexual choices are anybody’s business but their own… well, fuck you. Or not. Because that’s your choice.
For this reason, although I think (and hope) we might mean different things by the term “sex-positive,” it always grates on my nerves when people say that asexual people shouldn’t have to be sex-positive. Um… going by the generally accepted definition of sex-positivity… yes we do. Just like everyone else.
(via ilikesallydonovan)@1 year ago with 265 notes