@2 years ago with 327 notes
When people say; “Gee, I wish I was Asexual” I want to turn to them and say “No. No you don’t.”
You don’t want to be told that you don’t exist. You don’t want to be told that you’ll never be happy without something you never wanted in the first place. You don’t want to be faced with the possibility that you may never have a fulfilling romantic relationship unless you can “compromise” and have sex even though you don’t want to.
You don’t want to be seen as “frigid” or “prudish” because you’re afraid of giving off the wrong impression or being viewed as a sexual object. You don’t want to be discouraged by the fact that it’s hard enough to find someone who’s compatible with you, without only having a single digit percentage of the population to draw from.
You don’t want to have your identity dismissed by friends and family when you try to explain to them why you’re not in a relationship, or married, or why you don’t go on that date they tried to set you up with. You don’t want to be denied basic human affection from someone you like because you’re “Just Friends”.
You don’t want to be told that a doctor or a good screw can fix you. You don’t want to be told that its just a phase, or that you just haven’t found the right person yet, and enter your mid-to-late 30’s wondering why nothing has changed. You don’t want to be made to feel less than, or some type of head-case, just because others are offended that you don’t embrace something that is so important to them.
You don’t want to be told that you’re just a scared virgin, and that you have to try it before you know if you want it or not. You don’t want to be told that it’s not important for others to know what asexuality is, because it’s just all in your head anyway. You don’t want to be told that calling yourself asexual is just a label people use when they can’t get laid, or a nicer term for chronic masturbators.
You don’t want to be asked if your into bestiality or automobiles since you claim to not be into people. You don’t want to be congratulated on your religious purity when you’re not even religious. You don’t want to be called a child because you never had an interest in developing your sex appeal.
You don’t want to be told to “get yourself a man/partner/significant other” when you run into financial troubles. You don’t want people to assume that you have low self-esteem, or that you’re uncomfortable with your body when you shy away from their encouragements to “work it”. You don’t want your family to see you as a disappointment, or wonder where they went wrong, or tell you that it’s your “duty” to get married and have children.
You don’t want to, and cannot BECOME asexual. It’s something you simply are. Just like being straight, gay, lesbian, bi, pan or any other sexual spectrum of the rainbow, you don’t choose it and you don’t “cure” it. Being asexual does not make relationships any easier just because sex may not be involved.
In fact, it opens up a whole slew of other potential relationship troubles. Many asexuals may feel that they have to choose between being lonely, or pretending to want sex for the sake of their partner. Just as many may be comfortable without romance, but are still insulted by the assumption of others that they are to be pitied for not being in a relationship. Some are content to have sex, but not to have their orientation waved off like it doesn’t matter.