Asexuality 101 - When should you come out?

Written by Stephanie Silberstein

Since asexuality is not as visible a sexual orientation as of March 2011, asexuals who want to date might find it difficult to find other asexuals. In addition, some asexuals enjoy some physical or even some sexual contact and might be happier with a sexual person than with another asexual. Although asexuals risk their affections being unrequited by some sexuals due to misunderstandings and differences in viewpoint, asexual/sexual pairings can work if the communication is good, so there is no reasons for asexuals to limit themselves to other asexuals if they do not want to.  

When it comes to dating sexuals, however, many asexuals worry about when they should come out as asexual.

Obviously, a serious, long-term relationship is not going to work if the asexual keeps hir sexual orientation hidden or secret. You may want to consider coming out on the first date, during a pre-date telephone or email conversation, or in any online dating profiles that you maintain. 

Some asexuals are reluctant to do this because they are afraid sexuals won’t give them a chance because of their asexuality. These fears are unrealistic and can actually hurt a relationship. People who don’t want to give asexuals a chance aren’t good partners for asexual persons in the first place. If you hide who you are, you’re going to be extra nervous or even paranoid that your partner somehow sees through you and knows you are asexual. First dates are nervewracking enough as it is; why add extra fear to the equation?  

Most importantly, keeping your asexuality to yourself so that you won’t be rejected sends you the wrong message. If you put your fear of rejection over expressing who you are, you internalize the message that something is wrong with being asexual, that it’s better to be sexual, that those people who may reject you are right to do so and you are wrong for not experiencing sexual attraction.

That doesn’t mean that you should blurt it out inappropriately or tell everyone you meet, but you certainly should consider coming out as soon as possible to potential romantic partners.

Here are a few things to keep in mind about coming out:

Ultimately, you are in charge of who you come out to. If you don’t feel comfortable coming out to a date, don’t, but ask yourself why you are uncomfortable and whether you really want to date a person that inspires this type of feeling in you. The more you come out to potential dates, the more comfortable you will feel inside your own skin – a quality that is very attractive to many people and will help you find the right partner(s) for you.

@2 years ago with 117 notes
#asexual #asexuality #coming out 
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  11. digidestineddreamer reblogged this from asexualadvice and added:
    This is really informative. :)