lunaxvx:

“You’re just a prude/frigid/repressed”

“You’re not asexual: you still go on dates”

“Are you completely sure?”

“I can’t possibly imagine being like that!”

“Wow, I admire your self control so much!”

“Oh but you’re too pretty for that! What a shame!!! :(“

“What you actually mean is you’re celibate”

“Come on, everyone LOVES sex!”

“You’re just being selfish”

“It’s so sad! I feel really bad for you, you’ll never know what love is!”

Anonymous asked: A bromance and a squish are equal or are different?

A bromance is a close but non-sexual relationship between two or more men. It’s more than just friends though, it’s like a special bond.

A squish is the same sort of feeling, but it’s usually the non-sexual and non-romantic equivalent of a crush.

-Niks

Anonymous asked: um, hello. I don't really know how to phrase this so anyway. Lately I've been wondering if I was asexual. Like, I've never had sex, or even been kissed, but the thought of anything besides hugging, cuddling, and things that can be considered platonic seems odd and unappealing to me. And as I thought about it further, I realized I've never really had a full on "crush". I like the idea of a relationship (minus kissing, etc) but I really don't know, so I was kinda wondering if you could help?

http://asexualeducation.tumblr.com/aceedufaq

http://asexualeducation.tumblr.com/FAQ

http://asexualeducation.tumblr.com/asexualif

Anonymous asked: Yesterday I went to the wedding of a close friend. It was quite an "a-ha" moment for me, because I realized that, being the only ace I know, my friends, who are really into sex and romantic relationships, will end up finding their significant someones and I'll be the "last one standing". It sounds selfish, but my friends saved me from suicide and are the reason I feel whole and keep on living a day after the other. I'm just terrified of being alone again.

There’s nothing selfish at all about wanting to keep friends and their company. Many ace-spectrum people feel this way, actually, and it’s very unfortunate.

If they do get married, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to get shut completely out of their lives (although there will probably be a shift in priorities or dynamics, simply as a result of such a change in a relationship). 

Romantic and/or sexual relationships are not the end all be all. Just because you may never have any does not mean that you’ll be alone, either. Neither are they inherently more significant than platonic relationships, although to many people it may seem that way. It’s all perspective and opinion. I understand this won’t necessarily prevent you from feeling lonely or left out.

If you feel your friends slipping away after they marry, it may be unintentional and be from them adjusting to their new lives, and perhaps the best thing to do is just communicate with them how you feel if it continues that way. Open communication is always beneficial in any sort of relationship, although I understand it may feel uncomfortable to certain people.

If you ever need anything, this ask is open, and there are plenty of supportive people in this community who are here for you. Being alone can be terrifying, but there are plenty of people who have been in where you are too, and so you’re really not alone in this situation.

-Griff

Anonymous asked: I guess I'm just really confused. Like, I find people attractive and I've had crushes on people and wanted to kiss them but I've never really wanted to do sexy stuff. I also don't really know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to someone versus being romantically attracted to them, and I'm just generally confused! I feel very isolated, and that I can't talk to my friends about this, even though i KNOW they would be very understanding. I just would like some help on this. Thanks!

Sexual attraction = finding someone attractive and thinking that you’re wanting to have sex with them, wanting to be physically intimate with someone and desiring the act of sex in itself.

Romantic attraction - wanting to be in a romantic relationship with someone, wanting a relationship that is more than just platonic (but for asexuals it lacks the sexual attraction part). Many people who experience romantic attraction like the idea of kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. Some asexuals may also have sex, but not all!

To be honest, I find it hard to answer these questions because I have NO IDEA what sexual attraction feels like, I can only go by what others have told me, what I’ve read, etc.

-Niks

(Just a note/disclaimer: No, not all asexual spectrum people would be willing to engage in sexual activities, and they should not feel the obligation to do so in anyway under any circumstances. Also, asexual spectrum people experience sexual activities individually, from repulsion to enjoyment, and plenty in between. They can enjoy sex for various reasons, including the enjoyment of sex and the physical pleasure they derive from it. This is not about that.)

When an asexual spectrum individual who has, for example, no desire for sex or does not particularly view it with any interest or particular enjoyment or basically experiences sexual activities in a different way than their partner(s), but willingly consents to engaging in sexual activities with them without being coerced in any way, and you criticize them for their decisions, then you are depriving them of their sexual agency.

When making the assertion that, due to their dissonance in interest or enjoyment or experience, they are serving as nothing more than sex objects/masturbatory aids, then you are dismissing their motivations, feelings, and above all dehumanizing them.

Don’t do that.

An asexual spectrum individual’s sexual choices, behaviors, or experiences are none of your business, they are not your responsibility, and do not need nor warrant your criticism.

It is most definitely true that asexual spectrum individuals do not owe their partners sex under any circumstances, but if they choose to engage in the activity, it is their choice and their right to do so.

Do not try to police what sort of sex they are or aren’t allowed to choose to have because of how some experience sexual activities or attraction or whatnot.

- I will not respond to anything regarding this post because frankly, this debate is ridiculous, and I have neither the energy nor inclination. I just felt the need to toss in some support to a debate that has been raging all day when it really shouldn’t be. do u notice how ive used the word ‘choose’ and ‘choice’ a lot? yeah. take notes.-

Anonymous asked: I've been wondering for a while now if I'm asexual, and I'd like to talk to my mom about it, but I'm wondering for you or perhaps others who have talked with family, does it carry the same stigma as coming out of the closet does? My family is moderately homophobic, so I am scared they would judge me for not being attracted to the opposite gender(or any gender for that matter).

It really depends on the people you’re talking to.

My mom sort of said all the wrong things, honestly, and came up with plenty of ways to dismiss it, although she came to a sort of reluctant ‘acceptance’ over time (although she never quite took back any of her objections, which were plentiful, and they seem to hang around) and there are still uncomfortable comments occasionally. My sister, on the other hand, was completely supportive and didn’t question it at all.

Sometimes people accept it without a hitch and give nothing but acceptance and support, sometimes there’s confusion or skepticism and it doesn’t quite click, and sometimes there are people who consider lack of attraction bizarre and even, unfortunately, unnatural or inhuman. Sometimes there are aggressive reactions.

It really depends. I know you want to discuss it and it’s tough having to keep a secret in when it’s significant to you. I think if you have any reservations and if it could potentially damage a relationship you’re dependent on you may weigh the pros and cons?

I always add a reminder to asks like these that you’re not obligated to come out under any circumstances unless you want to and are comfortable with it, but since you say you’d like to talk about I take it as meaning that you do indeed want to.

-Griff