Am I Still Asexual If…?

* Please remember that the definition of asexual is: someone who lacks sexual attraction.

* It is important to keep in mind that behavior is not attraction, and so you can engage in sexual things and still be asexual.

This also means that you don’t have to ‘try sex out’ in order to ‘be sure’ if you are asexual or not; that has nothing to do with it.

* If you are worried about identifying as asexual but then later finding out this is not the case, don’t worry. The thing about these identities is to help you figure yourself out and make sense of what you are experiencing. If you feel that you are asexual at the present time, then you are, even if it changes later on.

Sexuality is fluid, this means that your orientation can change over time.

*There is no defining age to determine an individual’s sexual orientation. You cannot be ‘too young’ or ‘too old’ to identify as any orientation.

No one can tell you your orientation but yourself. I know that is difficult, but no one knows you better. Just do the best you can do with the information you have, and how you feel presently. Don’t stress about it, it’s all okay, there’s no wrong way to be an orientation.

I have a sex-drive/libido?

Yes. A libido is just a biological function and has nothing to do with whether one experiences attraction.

And on a similar note, you can lack a libido and not be asexual.

I masturbate?

Yes.

I enjoy pornographic/erotic materials (and even become aroused)?

Yes. Many asexuals enjoy witnessing sex acts and the like, but do not experience sexual attraction to the people engaging in them. Arousal is simply a response to the sexual imagery and such.

I have sex (and even enjoy it)?

Yes. Many asexuals engage in sex for many reasons, (e.g: They simply enjoy it, need to relieve their arousal, to satisfy their partner, etc.) they simply wouldn’t be attracted to the person(s) they are having sex with.

I am attracted to people in that I appreciate their appearance (but not sexually)?

Yes.

See aesthetic attraction:(x).

I am attracted to people in that I want to kiss/cuddle/etc?

Yes. Kissing and cuddling and similar activities are not inherently sexual. These activities fall under sensual attraction, rather than sexual.

See sensual attraction:(x).

I have kinks/fetishes?

Yes, as long as the kinks or fetishes do not involve an attraction to a person.

I fantasize?

Yes.

The thing about fantasies is that they are not reality. They are distinct from actual happenings and desires you would experience in real life.

Some asexuals fantasize about a person, but if given the opportunity to become sexual with them in reality, would not be attracted to them to take them up on it (although they may purely to please the other person or become closer to them, which is distinct from them experiencing attraction itself).

I experience sexual attraction but never enough to/wouldn’t act on it?

Experiencing sexual attraction but not the desire to act on it is sometimes considered to be part of the gray area in the spectrum. So there is a possibility you can identify as gray asexual. Depends on your personal decision.

There is debate over this, but it is included in some definitions. If you feel identifying as a gray asexual will help you, then go for it. This identity is for your benefit.

I sometimes experience sexual attraction but rarely or only under specific circumstances?

Experiencing sexual attraction but not often or under specific conditions is considered to be part of the gray area of the asexual spectrum. You could identify as gray asexual.

At the same time, you can also take into account the consistency and/or frequency. For example, let’s say you have only experienced sexual attraction once or twice in your life, you could choose, for the sake of simplicity, to simply identify as asexual.

I used to experience sexual attraction but don’t anymore?

Yes. Sexuality is fluid. It can change over time.

I have medical/hormone issues?

Yes. Attraction is not inherently related to hormones. Many asexuals that have gone through hormone therapy have remained asexual, and many have hormones considered the norm.

I was sexually abused/experienced some other trauma?

Sexual abuse or trauma does not invalidate anyone’s asexuality. This would be true even if the abuse/trauma is potentially the ‘cause’.

That said, you should seek help and support for if intimacy or sexual situations cause an unhealthy reaction or negative response with you and causes you distress. If it disrupts your life or negatively affects your mental/emotional health, then I would suggest getting professional help. This still does not invalidate your orientation or identity, though.

I fall in love/experience romantic attraction?

Yes. Many asexuals experience romantic attraction.

I want kids?

Yes. Anyone of any orientation can desire or not desire to have children.

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I will mention that if you notice that you lose your libido or interest in sex or attraction suddenly, you may want to consult a doctor, because there may be a potentially harmful medical issue. This is simply a precaution and if you do end up having a medical issue that you feel could potentially affect your sexuality and orientation, it does not in any way invalidate your orientation at all. Just because for you there is a “cause” doesn’t mean that it makes it any less real to you, and you are still welcome to the identity if you feel it could help you or you need it. (Libido and interest in sex is not inherently tied to orientation, anyway, and people without a libido aren’t asexual and vice versa, but since people have expressed concern I am mentioning it in here.)