Before you ask whenever or not you’re asexual, please take the time to read the FAQ here. from the asexuality.org website. If these do not answer your questions, feel free to ask me.
Am I asexual?
The definition of asexuality is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction.” However, only you can decide which label best suits you. Reading this FAQ and the rest of the material on this site may help you decide whether or not you are asexual. If you find that the asexual label best describes you, you may choose to identify as asexual.
By the definition, yes. Again, only you can decide to use asexual as a label for yourself.
Asexuals may regard other people as aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction to them. If you do not experience sexual attraction, you might identify as asexual.
Sexuality can be fluid, and for some people, sexual inclination may change over a period of time. Whether you identify as sexual or asexual is ultimately your choice.
There are different forms of attraction. Many sexual people as well as asexual people find that they need to get to know someone in order to feel romantically attracted to them. It is common for asexuals to be intellectually attracted to someone after getting to know them as a friend (although ‘love at first conversation’ is perfectly possible).
If you have a fetish that doesn’t involve attraction to other people you may find it useful to identify as asexual. Note the part about ‘other people’ in the definition of asexuality.
When deciding to identify as asexual or not, it might be useful to consider if you have the drive to express your sexuality with other people. Regardless of whether your sexuality involves attraction to other people, another person could still assist you in expressing it somehow. If you don’t feel the need to involve another then you will probably be comfortable within the asexual community.
For some people expressions of love must involve sex. To them if you are capable of being sexual in any way then you would wish to involve your loving partner in this sexuality. Most asexuals do not make this connection between love and sex. They feel that they can express love and feel intimacy without any sexual activity. Keeping your partner out of your sexual feelings, especially if these have nothing to do with sex or other people, does not mean that you are rejecting them or that you are not expressing your love fully.
People form identities around stuff that they need to figure out. People who identify as asexual tend to be trying to figure out how to live full emotionally complete lives without necessarily having to engage in sexual relationships with other people, how to live in a world that places a high premium on sexuality and sexual relationships. If this is something that you are struggling with in some way then the asexual community is worth investigating.
Asexuals with no sexual feelings at all have a lot in common with those that have sexual feelings that do not involve people in any way. Both groups may feel alienated in a society that expects everyone to be sexually interested in other people.
As previously mentioned, sexuality can be fluid, and it can change over a period of time for some people. If you find that you have little or no sexual attraction to other people now, then you can choose to identify as asexual.
Many asexual people were more sexually active during puberty or another period of their lives. However, at this moment they do not experience sexual attraction to others and identify as asexual.
If you experience a sudden decline in sexual interest or attraction, it may be linked to side effects of certain medications or illness. It is advisable to discuss sudden changes with your doctor.
You would certainly have a lot in common with other asexuals. At the times when you are asexual you may choose to identify as asexual, at the times when you are sexual you could still have asexual issues—such as explaining asexuality to sexual partners—and therefore could find a place in the asexual community.
Most asexuals are physically capable of sex. Some masturbate and some don’t. Masturbation produces a pleasurable sensation and as such many asexuals choose to use it to take pleasure from their bodies. Many asexuals can only arouse themselves manually (by applying friction to sexual organs), others can turn themselves on with thought.
The distinction between sexual and asexual people is that, if asexuals think about other people during masturbation (many asexuals don’t think about anything specifically sexual) it is only as fantasy. If they actually were given the opportunity to be sexual with that person there would be no attraction, or the drive would be so low as to be completely ignorable.
Some asexuals may be considered autosexual, they have the drive to take pleasure from their own body. Other masturbating asexuals do not have a sexual drive motivating them, they just do it because it’s nice. The common factor is that all asexuals, masturbating or not, have little or no sexual attraction to other people.
A good proportion of asexuals get crushes on others and fall in love. Emotional and romantic attraction are separate from sexual attraction. For some people they go together, but they are not necessarily connected.
Many asexuals talk about having a ‘romance drive’. They need to be intimate with another special person, it’s just that the intimacy they desire isn’t sexual.
Most asexual people are capable of having sex, as with masturbation some asexuals find the experience of sex pleasurable. If you use sex as an expression of romantic or emotional attraction (love) rather than because you are driven to do so by a sex drive, then that need not contradict an asexual identity.
Just as sexual people can form asexual relationships, asexual people can participate in sexual relationships. If you’re comfortable and happy with that then it’s cause for celebration rather than a reason to doubt your ‘asexual purity’.
There are other reasons why some asexuals choose to participate in sexual activity: The motivation might be curiosity or experimentation (a good proportion of asexuals have tried sex at some point in the past). Certain aspects of sex might be sensual and enjoyable enough to be motivation for some people even without sexual attraction or drive. In a loving relationship, some asexuals may enjoy giving sexual pleasure to their partner without the need for any sexual gratification in return.
Often the sexual relationships asexuals participate in seem far removed from what’s considered ‘normal’. It is not unusual for the asexual partner to be completely honest about their lack of sexual arousal or pleasure. Sexual acts can seem completely one sided or sexual activity might rely strongly on sensuality with very little emphasis on genital sex. These relationships are often based on extreme honesty. It is unlikely that an asexual would be completely comfortable in a traditional sexual relationship with a partner unaware of their asexuality.
It should be noted that most asexual people feel completely neutral about sex or perhaps tried it and found it very disappointing. Others find the idea of participating in sexual activity absolutely repulsive.
The common factor among asexuals is that they are not driven to have sex with other people. They don’t get horny and other people don’t ‘turn them on’. This doesn’t necessarily stop them from finding some pleasure from sex if they so choose.
The idea of being ‘very asexual’ is questionable. There is no hierarchy of asexuality. Asexuals with romance drives are not ‘less asexual’ than those without. Asexuals who are in sexual relationships with loving partners have as much value in the community as those who have never had a single sexual experience. This community is not about elitism; it’s about people who share the common factor of having very little or absolutely no sexual attraction to other people.
Diversity is a good thing in any community. Everyone in this community has as much value as everyone else. If your experience differs from that which you see others expressing, please feel free to share it.
If you’re turned on by other people then you don’t fit the definition. Asexuality is about lack of attraction to other people, not about lack of activity. Asexuals do not get horny toward other people, they would feel completely satisfied if they never shared a single sexual experience for the rest of their lives.
If you are a sexual person who chooses not to have sex, this is called ‘celibacy’ or ‘abstinence’. There are many reasons sexual people might choose to be celibate. It may be for religious or moral reasons, they may dislike the experience of sex, they may think that sex must only exist as part of a longterm committed relationship. The distinction between asexuality and celibacy or abstinence is that asexuality is not a choice. Asexual people can choose to have sex and still remain asexual.
You may find you have many things in common with asexuals and could benefit from participation in the asexual community. However, it may be the case that a group specifically catering for celibate people would be more useful for you. Try out our community and see if it works for you.
No, they’re not. If you identify as a sexual person, then that’s what you are. Asexual people are fine not having sex; if you think that your lack of interest in sex is a problem then you should consult a doctor or therapist. There is no guarantee that they will be able to make you sexual, but there is a good chance. If you can’t decide if you think it’s a problem then you owe it to yourself to gather as much information as possible to figure out what fits you best.
Asexual people may also be impotent, the distinction is that they are unlikely to feel particularly uncomfortable about this as long as they are otherwise healthy. If you want to have sex but can’t then this may not be the community for you.
Originally from here: