i just really wanna see a canon asexual character in something is that too much to ask for? like all i can think about is how much people take from and relate to characters and how i always thought i was weird and how having an asexual character could potentially help someone figure themself out and feel better about it idk man these things affect people a lot and i just wanna see it getting to the asexual community too thats all

(Source: shinkai-san)

@10 months ago with 1313 notes
#representation #i personally discovered aromanticism and asexuality from a fictional char but not even from canon but seeing fandom discussion about him #since he wasnt aro ace in canon apparently and thats p messed up #like im grateful that i did discover it (stil in my teens even) and its cool it was a char i adored from childhood anyway #but it shouldnt have had to happen like that #explicit representation is so important 

To anyone looking for Ace-related advice


My blog is probably not the best place to get it, as I’m just trying to figure stuff out myself. 

This wonderful group of blogs is probably much better suited for your questions:

This list was taken from, where you can go to find other ace blogs about pretty much anything.

I’d suggest taking a look there. Sorry I couldn’t personally be of more help, but I hope you find these sites helpful!

(via ace-okay-deactivated20140720)

@10 months ago with 1075 notes
#resources #couldnt check all the links but am familiar with a lot so there you go 

"People who need people are threatened by people who don’t. The idea of seeking contentment alone is heretical, for society steadfastly decrees that our completeness lies in others."

Lionel Fisher (via middlenameconfused)

(via asexualquotes)

@10 months ago with 1324 notes

"Those who cannot conceive of Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend."

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (via asexualquotes)
@10 months ago with 565 notes
#relationships #aromanticism #platonic 

Anonymous said: I'm a queer man, and I'm deeply uncomfortable with asexuals being treated as part of the LGBT community and acronym. Asexuals don't suffer from the same kinds of oppression, pressure and expectations that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals do. Why should they be made part of the LGBT subset? Asexuals need LGBT solidarity like a male-bodied person needs a gynaecologist.

Hello, I considered just deleting this question, not to be dismissive to you or your discomfort, which I am sorry for, but because it has been posed again and again and addressed much better than I could, and there’s still so many schools of thought on this even in the ace community, and I don’t know what you expect me to say to this? But the implication that we don’t suffer anything serious or pervasive enough and we don’t need help and support from others is really grating and I do think you need to understand that we do still face some pretty detrimental issues, and they do not negate or detract from yours and others, nor are we trying to do that.

(This got long so I’m gonna readmore, so apologies for the inconvenience to your time, and also to folk on mobile. A warning for mentions of ableism, sexual assault/harrassment, consent issues, suicidal thoughts, and general acephobia in here, too. Just listed, but warning just in case.)

Read More

@10 months ago with 611 notes
#i apologized a lot at the end and i was about to apologize for that in this tag before i realized what i was doing ha #gosh i hope i handled this okayish #i literally spent like 2 days trying to make this as good as i could and deciding on if i should even post it or not 

63 squares of my ace pride blanket done, just another 189 to go!


63 squares of my ace pride blanket done, just another 189 to go!

(Source: agentemfitzsimmons)

@10 months ago with 180 notes
#pride #crafts 

What a Waste


If there’s one comment I particularly despise when it comes to responses to asexuality, it’s the one that sounds like this:

"What a waste."

Especially since when I express annoyance and displeasure, I’m condescendingly told it’s a compliment.

The way people react to me as a partnerless woman—or, shall I say, a woman who does not have a MALE SEXUAL PARTNER—suggests that my sex parts are resources and my existence as a person is disappointing and shameful if someone is not using those resources.

It grosses me out thinking people would no longer consider me “a waste” if someone, just someone, were banging me. Somehow my existence would be less disappointing (or not disappointing at all) if some presumably cis male partner were fulfilling the expectations and using my vagina with his penis. That would make things all right. That would assure critics that yes, this vagina is being properly allocated to a cis dude’s use, and there is nothing to worry about now.

Instead, oh noes, my vagina is WASTED, my supposed beauty is going to waste, my body isn’t being enjoyed by anyone (except for ME, the person who’s in it), and that’s just such a shocking, sad shame. If only I would stop wasting vagina by refusing to invite or accept sex! Won’t someone think of the wasted resources?

Never mind that the person attached to the vagina does not want to use it that way. Never mind that her well-being stays intact partly because she’s allowed to make her own decisions about what she does with her body, and never mind that having agency means she does not view her vagina as a commodity. Never mind that “I don’t want to” causes people to say I still should, while “I’m already doing it with someone else” causes those same people to respect my decision since at least SOME guy is using it.

I’m tired of being viewed as a wasted thing whose purpose is to be used, and I’m tired of people thinking of me less like a woman with a right to agency and more like a mouldering vagina on a shelf.

@10 months ago with 690 notes
#acephobia cw #misogyny cw #sex normativity 

It’s the Choice, Not the Sex, That Matters: Asexuals on Sex-Positivity


This post is for the June Carnival of Aces.

As a general rule, the asexual community especially on Tumblr is very sex-positive. There’s no contradiction between thinking that other consenting adults should be free to engage in what sexual activities they choose to, and not being interested in sex for oneself (though some asexuals are).

In fact, if we celebrate everybody’s right to choose what they want to do about sex, we should also celebrate the choice to not have sex. It’s the choice that’s important, not the sex.

As people who, by and large, choose not to have sex (again, some asexuals do), a number of asexuals have found that the sex-positive movement within feminist and queer spaces is not always ace-friendly or a safe space for asexuals. Almost invariably, this is because some sex-positive activists have forgotten the key point I made above about choice.

Asexualité-s sur Tumblr argues that there are two kinds of sex-positivity. One respects choice and autonomy, including the choice not to have sex. The other is an “I’m freer than you” attitude that depicts more sex as always better and less sex as always worse. This kind of attitude can lead to accusing asexuals of being repressed or abnormal and suggesting that asexuals need to change their sexuality in order to be acceptable.

Sidneyia, in a post preserved by writingfromfactorx, identified this second kind of sex-positivity as actually being sex normativity (in the same sense that we talk about heteronormativity). Once we understand that this form of sex-positivity is actually serving to enforce a particular standard on everybody, we can begin to correct the ways of thinking and talking about sex and sexuality that end up shaming or excluding asexuals.

Jo at A Life Unexamined takes a similar approach, using the term compulsory sexuality (a topic I’ve discussed on this blog) and she presents a feminist analysis that looks at the larger question of when sex may actually be a negative thing for some people and the factors in our society that support this. This post touches on issues of rape and other sexualized violence and I highly recommend reading it if you are interested in exploring these questions.

Along similar lines, queenieofaces links sex-positivity to the question of consent. If all sex is good or sex is always good, then shouldn’t everybody want to have sex? This is where sex normativity/compulsory sexuality can go dangerously wrong.

The Radical Prude discusses her actual bad experiences with sex-positive feminist groups (writingfromfactorx brought up similar issues in her comments on sidneyia’s post). This isn’t just a theoretical discussion but the existence of sex normativity/compulsory sexuality within sex-positive spaces is actually harming people.

Finally, Asexual Cupcake argues that sex is a morally neutral activity that may be positive or negative depending on context - just like most other activities people engage in. They point out that many asexuals do not particularly enjoy sex in and of itself or even are repulsed by the idea of sexual activity, and it is just as valid when asexuals state for themselves that sex is not fun or good as it is when allosexuals state for themselves that sex is fun or good.

@10 months ago with 292 notes
#sex positivity #sex normativity #i could only read a handful fyi but here you go 

"What we need to let ourselves do is acknowledge that sex is a big deal for some people, and really not a big deal for others. We need to get better at saying “Eh, that’s not really my thing, but if you like it, rock on with your cock on” and meaning it. Otherwise, we will only continue to be opaque to each other. We will miss the enormous pain in someone who would really like to get some, but isn’t. We will miss the pain in someone who doesn’t want to have sex but feels obligated to. We will miss all the people who can’t reconcile the contradiction between their utterly filthy fantasies and the social role they find themselves in. Understanding can only arise from acknowledging our mutual incomprehension."

@10 months ago with 532 notes
#points of view 

goldenvolcarona said: transgender is the accepted term, more than a few trans people have expressed their dislike of being called transexual, even though it’s implied that this person works with her, it’s still worth mentioning

Yeah, I am aware of that and wondered if the term would offend when I published, but I thought if that was how she actually refers to herself as, I don’t have any right to say that was wrong of them. I couldn’t get many video clips to play well, but I saw part of a clip where the person who plays the character also used that term, so I do not think it is right of me to police the vocabulary someone who is actually that identity uses. (If I am misunderstanding the actress and everything, because I don’t know everything about this, then I do apologize for not mentioning it, but with the information I had I didn’t think I should.) But yeah, otherwise you are right, and thank you for saying.


@10 months ago with 6 notes